1. “I need to get my shit together.”
2. “This is the week I get my shit together.”
3. “I need to text ____ back.”
4. “I’ll text them back…later.”
5. “When’s the last time I checked my mailbox? I never get mail but, I mean. There might be something important.”
6. “Oh cool, six weeks of coupons.”
7. “Are my favorite pants clean? I guess I’m not wearing pants today. I have to put on pants to leave the house, right? I guess I am wearing dirty pants today.”
8. “I should do laundry.”
9. “How am I STARVING? Oh shit. Have I eaten today?”
10. “I need to buy groceries.”
11. “I’ll just buy lunch, just today. As a treat. Tomorrow I’ll buy groceries.”
12. “Where are my keys?”
13. “How is it 3:00 PM already?”
14. “Okay I am going to just make that call, it should take like five seconds. Just going to get it over with—”
15. “How is it 6:00 PM already?”
16. “I need to answer that email.”
17. “A NEW EPISODE OF _____ ALREADY?!”
18. “Okay, I need to stop watching. I’m just gonna—”
19. “Fuck, I am never going to make anything as good as _______.”
20. “How is it 2:00 AM already?”
21. “I need to go to bed. Right after I—” 
