1. You have aimless, meaningless conversations
You talk to most other people with intention. In your past relationships, you’ve been eager to share stories and ideas with purpose— you wanted to share something to get a certain reaction or result. In this relationship, you don’t feel the impulse to explain yourself or have their approval on your thoughts. You speak freely and you listen to them without searching their words for some secret meaning. There’s nothing to be found; you laugh easier, listen effortlessly, and find the same satisfaction in ten minutes of talking that you do in an hour of blissful, lazy silence together.
2. You share space unconsciously
Their knee touches yours under the table and you leave them there. It’s like the two of you always have some physical contact, a magnetism that isn’t suffocating, but it’s palpable. You lace your fingers loosely. Your grip on each other isn’t tight like you could be lost at any second. It’s a confident touch, a lingering feeling of always wanting to be close without needing to be inseparable.
3. You don’t go to bed angry
Of course you fight. You argue, you disagree, sometimes you feel like no one could ever make you as upset as they do. But you never let it linger to a point where one of you doubts your feelings for the other. No matter what happens, it’s never a question of *if* you’ll get over it, but *when* one of you will make the first move towards resolution. Honestly? Most fights end in a reconciliation that includes ordering takeout.
4. Your arguments don’t have sides to take
When you do fight, it doesn’t feel so polarizing that both of you go to your friends and complain about right vs. wrong. It’s never so cut and dry; your arguments are nuanced, you know it never boils down to one person being blatantly wrong or evil. Unless it’s about the thermostat, in which case whoever is secretly changing the temperature in the middle of the night is blatantly wrong and truly evil.
5. You put yourself first
Both of you want the other to succeed. In other relationships, you’ve put your significant other before yourself to a fault. With the right person, you put yourself first and you want them to put themselves first too— you’re truly equals and you treat each other with equal respect.
6. You lose control
You don’t lose control of your life, but you do lose control of some things that you’d never miss. Little things like grocery shopping and movie choices become a genuine “you pick,” and it feels good not to be in charge of every little thing.
7. You miss them all the time
Missing this person doesn’t feel like a void, it doesn’t drive you crazy or ruin your life when they’re not around. You could see them constantly and still think of them constantly. It feels like something familiar, something that makes you look forward to tomorrow in a productive sense, you miss them in a way that makes you happier than when you don’t miss anyone at all.
8. You look forward to things you used to dread
The mall. Your parents’ house. The DMV. All of the worst, most boring and monotonous stuff becomes the stuff that you look forward to doing because you know you’ll get to complain about it together. The longest line with the loudest crying baby can’t phase your relationship, and that is real as hell.
9. Your friends don’t ask how “you guys” are
Your friends ask “how is *insert their name here*” because they genuinely want to know what’s going on in your significant other’s life outside of your relationship; they know your relationship is good. They can see it in your face, they can hear it when you talk about everything else. They don’t need to ask, they know.
10. Your kisses never get boring
It sounds weird, but it’s real: making out is just better when you do it all the time. Even the steamiest random hookup couldn’t hold an expensive scented candle to a simple peck with the person you’re with now.
11. You don’t need to say “I love you” all the time
It’s tacit. You feel like it’s a tangible thing, one that the two of you wake up to and go to bed with, something you never take off, like a piece of heirloom jewelry that you forget you’re wearing. You don’t need to point it out; it’s a sign on the road you pass every day. But when you do— say it, write it, whisper it while they’re sleeping—it feels like the most honest thing you could ever say. It feels like the right answer to something that exists without question.