I’ve always prided myself on being the girl that no one ever broke up with. Men would beg me for years post-break-up to love them again, I would tell stories to my friends of how I was hurt, how I came out on top and I would relish in having the upper hand. I loved the feeling of being the one that got away and I felt terrible for my friends who weren’t so lucky. But then… it happened. The man I loved the most broke up with me! The man I wanted to marry, the man that symbolized my idea of true, perfect love and the man who, for me, was the sexiest person on the planet.
I didn’t know what I was expecting in the days after the break up, but it ended up being a bit stereotypical. It rained for a week, I sobbed while watching every romantic comedy I hadn’t yet watched and I sighed as he ignored my every text and call. I was left with the feeling of being the one who had screwed up, the sole half of the relationship that didn’t try hard enough and didn’t fight long enough, but you know what? It wasn’t really that bad. For once I felt happy & relieved post break-up. I finally felt like I could make positive changes in the way I handle things and deal with people.
If you’ve just been broken up with, now is not the time to feel all “woe is me.” First read my article “The 7 Step Guide that Will Turn Your Breakup Into the Best Thing That’s Ever Happened to You.” Trust me, even though I wrote it I’ve been referencing it. Secondly, learn to see the beauty that is always available to you. Sometimes you really just have to be aware, heartache makes this difficult, but not impossible. And lastly, realize there is wisdom to be gained from being broken up with. Here are some of the lessons I’ve begun to learn. You might or will be going through them too. Know that it won’t be easy, but that by moving through this chapter in your life you’ll learn to appreciate what you already have in your life with or without your relationship. For me, I am finding I have much more energy for my friends, family and career, which I find to be extremely rewarding in a way my past relationship wasn’t.
Giving Up Control Can Be Healthy.
Being broken up with teaches you that you don’t always have total control of your life. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, life is just going to keep happening without your consent. Spending so much time controlling how my relationship was going and how to prevent it from ending (even past its expiration date), led to it ending in a bad way. Letting go of your need for control can bring about healthier outcomes.
You Can Become a Better Person.
Having someone break up with you can show you where you need to improve in terms of your relationships and your life. When you leave a relationship feeling as though you had the upper hand and never did anything wrong you are denying yourself a moment of reflection and clarity, sometimes even lying to yourself about the responsibility you had in the relationship’s end. When someone breaks up with you, especially if they did nothing to hurt you within the relationship- your shortcomings become evident and that much easier for you to face.
Moving On Doesn’t Have to Be Long & Hard.
Being the person on the receiving end of a breakup can allow you to move on more quickly. Sometimes when you breakup with someone you can hold onto feelings of guilt that you might have made the wrong decision or that you are losing your only chance at love. When someone makes the decision to breakup for you, you are no longer allowed to change your mind. You must move forward, the quicker the better- not meaning you need to start dating right away, but the healing process begins quickly, allowing you to start your new life with ease.
When you’re broken up with you realize that a love that is strong will last even after a relationship ends. Love exists even after terrible things happen and hearts are broken, but just because you are in love, doesn’t mean that you need to be with someone- especially if it is no longer healthy. Remember too that love lasts with or without a person to love. The love you seek is already available to you with or without a relationship.
Even so, embrace the feeling of love you shared with your ex. I always like to say that “if it happened once it happened for an eternity,” it is sort of my reminder that without linear time all moments can float on and on. In our memories we can always access the beauty of our past. Hold on to that idea and then go on with your life. And try not to forget that you fell in love before so you certainly have all the capabilities within yourself to fall in love again. Time heals all and things always seem to work themselves out, especially if you are positive, happy and working on yourself.
Your Actions do Indeed Affect Others.
One of the hardest things for me to learn post being broken up with was that, even though I felt ignored or abandoned in my relationship, it didn’t mean that my actions weren’t going to deeply affect my boyfriend or that he didn’t care about me and love me. Oftentimes when you are broken up with it is because your life has become too self-centered causing you to lack the ability to offer full respect and effort to your relationship. If you’ve been broken up reflect on your life during the months leading up to the break-up and see if you couldn’t have made better decisions, been more open or offered more to the relationship. Don’t feel bad about yourself or harness guilt, but take note for when you decide to enter a relationship and experience great love again.
It will be OK.
No seriously, I promise you no matter how or why things ended, you are a human being with the ability to grow and change. It doesn’t matter how things went down. With self-reflection and a healthy attitude towards your future, it will indeed be OK. Kick your self-love into full gear and look forward to a future filled with healthier relationships and a wiser approach to life.