5 Starbucks Customers That I Seriously Don’t Understand

First and foremost, please note, it’s called ESPRESSO! NOT eXpresso!

Updated 10 years ago, June 16, 2014

1. The woman who orders a Grande latte in a Venti cup

Um, are you trying to make people think that you spent more money on coffee than you actually did? PLEASE tell me you won’t need that much room for milk or cream! Then why bother ordering coffee? This is just one ordering technique that always earns an eye roll from me.

2. The man who orders his coffee at EXACTLY 172 degrees

Let’s be serious for a second, how the hell do you know how hot your coffee is? My mouth tells me probably 4 temperatures, ranging from scalding hot, to damn that’s toasty, to luke warm, to did you make this last night? Are you going to pull a thermometer out of your pocket to double check the heat level? Even worse, when the person sends it back, I just want to say ok, No coffee for you!

3. Miss “I’ll have a skinny mocha with soy milk , extra whipped cream please!”

Do you realize that the calories you eliminated by choosing sugar free syrup and soy milk are added back at least four fold with your fluffy topping? I mean seriously, you could have the exquisite cheesecake brownie for the calories in the whipped cream that’s just going to melt into your drink. Move along princess.

4. Three shots of espresso man

First and foremost, please note, it’s called ESPRESSO! NOT eXpresso! Now that we’ve cleared that up, I always give this guy that curious puppy head tilt. I just want to go ask him if he’s trying to stop his heart right then and there. Even better is the guy who asks for the three shots of espresso with whip. I then wish I had a defibrillator in my purse.

5. The workout clothing clad “ Venti ice water please!”

You have just earned my death stare and delayed eye roll. Why in the world do you need to come to Starbucks for WATER? They sell water everywhere, and there’s this nifty thing in every sink in your house that produces it too! I know, I just helped you learn something, it’s crazy! Even worse, the bottled water buyer at Starbucks. Yes a whole 5 cents of your $3.50 bottle of water goes to help children get clean water, God forbid they fork over 10 cents. It’s not as if they’re a huge corporation. Go drink from the hose dear.