1. This nerdy band kid I went to high school with added me on Facebook and I was pleasantly surprised to see that 10 years later, he’s developed into a handsome, successful guy. We exchanged messages and hooked up, then after zero interaction for two weeks I discovered that he deleted me from Facebook. What happened? Did I get played by a former band nerd?
You know what they say: don’t date a band geek, they’ll only use you for sax.
I’m sorry. I apologize for that — just had to get it out of my system — but yeah, I’d imagine a former geek is pretty tech savvy, so it’s unlikely that his phone and/or internet are malfunctioning and that’s why he hasn’t contacted you. Not only did he not contact you, but he actually did the opposite of reach out with that Facebook deletion. Just consider every scenario in which you’ve deleted someone from Facebook. It’s never like, “Dang, so-and-so is such a fun person that I’m going to do the closest thing to erasing their existence other than murder.”
2. Is it bad and/or weird to Google or check Facebook for info on a person before a date? (By before a date, I mean before I’ve even introduced myself or before I can even confirm that she knows I exist.)
I mean, when a little info on a person is just there in the open, it seems reasonable to take a peek. I’m sure it’s tempting to gain an advantage by knowing some personal details, but my main fear with this would be meeting them and accidentally mentioning something that I learned from my previous stalking sessions, then having to explain how I knew it.
3. I broke up with my ex because he admittedly cheated on me, and along with long-ass texts begging for me to answer his calls or meet him for “five minutes,” he sent a hideous, crying selfie to show how regretful he is. I feel the urge to post it online but I know that’s kind of cruel and his friends would see it. Foul play or well deserved?
Yikes. Aside from a spread eagle butt naked pic there’s nothing that leaves a person more vulnerable than an ugly cry-face selfie. While revenge probably seems enticing, the fact that you even asked for a second opinion indicates that you’re a good human being who might later regret publicly humiliating someone. Sucks to have a conscience these days, huh?
4. What’s a good first date idea?
Anything that isn’t a movie. That’s actually a terrible idea because zero interaction happens, yet people constantly do it. It’s like, “Hey, I want to get to know you, let’s go sit in the dark and silently watch Bradley Cooper for two hours.”
5. When asking someone out, do you HAVE TO use the word “date” for it to officially be a date?
Being that so many aspects of dating are ambiguous as it is, I don’t think it hurts to use the term “date” if you want to be 1,000% clear. Official is good. For example, whenever I’m hanging with friends I’ll say “I’m going to order myself a pizza.” I don’t want a pizza being delivered and people misinterpreting that as community grub. FOR MYSELF = not a viable meal option for thou. A DATE = Not just a plain, friendly meet up. You’ve got to specify these days or run the risk of confusion.
6. I saw a meme that says: “When a girl replies with ‘aww thanks’ it means she’s politely asking you to return to the friend zone you just tried escaping from.” Nonsense or the truth?
OPTIMISTIC ANSWER: Straight gobbledygook. Can’t any somewhat short response be interpreted as a sign of no interest? Some people can’t take compliments well and “aww thanks” might just be their generic, go-to response.
PESSEMISTIC ANSWER: That meme is painfully right about the phrase “aww thanks” signifying disinterest. I say “aww thanks” when a CVS cashier hands me a preposterously long receipt for the single candy bar I purchased. I’m saying “aww thanks” as I reluctantly take the 27-foot long sheet from their hand. I can’t help but think the compliment was like an unwanted receipt if it garnered nothing more than a short, “aww thanks.”
7. I know “come over & watch movies” usually means “have sex,” but what are other signs that it’s nothing but a booty call?
Time of contact. Random texts after 10 or 11pm usually indicate booty call. The topics of discussion. Nobody who’s asking for nudes is going to take you to an elegant ball shortly thereafter. Also, the choice in clothing says a lot. Basketball shorts or sweatpants & Nike slide sandals are basically the booty call uniform.
8. I’ve now dated three consecutive men who wound up cheating, two of which with their exes. Am I making certain mistakes that are causing me to run into the same type of scum again and again?
Unfortunately we live in a time when cheating seems common and casual, so it’d be more shocking if you’d dated three consecutive people and none of them had cheated. I’m not big on blaming yourself for getting screwed over. However, there’s a safe middle ground between being heavily guarded and being naïve to a fault that it’s best to strive for. You don’t want to reject people because of past experiences but you also can’t be trusting of a person if your gut and instincts don’t feel right.
9. If a close friend likes or writes a compliment on one of my ex’s pictures on social media, and the only reason they even know each other is through me, am I wrong for being irritated at it?
THAT IS A BLATANT VIOLATION OF ARTICLE 1225-D9 IN BOTH THE GIRL & GUY CODE OF CONDUCT MANUALS. It’s an unspoken no-no. You might bite your tongue because you don’t want to seem crazy for bringing it up, but you shouldn’t even have to explain to a friend why your ex’s Instagram deserves none of the double taps from them, ever.
10. This girl I’m really into always calls me “boo” and I can’t tell if that’s a good sign or not. What should I make of this, if anything?
Well it’s definitely not not a good sign. Just refer back to this Usher & Alicia Keys song in which they call each other “boo” and appear to be romantically involved.I’d say that unless you’re waiting for the light to turn a very specific shade of green, it’s probably safe to go ahead and make some type of move. It seems unlikely that someone who finds you repulsive would give you an endearing pet name.
11. Does someone saying “I love you” for the first time during sex even count?
That’s kind of like when you were a kid and you’d tell your parents they were the best in the world because they were taking you to Toys “R” Us. Sure, you may’ve meant it, but it’s hard to believe the whole overjoyed about the moment thing didn’t play a role in you choosing now to say it.
12. Am I too jealous for getting mad at my boyfriend who remains friends with exes on social media, and they like each other’s pictures and interact from time to time?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Noooooooooooo.
13. There’s this girl who takes several hours or even a day at a time to respond to my texts, but sometimes she’ll be the starter of the conversation. We always make plans but they never happen, though she seems enthusiastic about hanging. What is going on here?
This sounds like a genuinely busy person who likely has interest if she initiates interaction and wants to make plans. Try being firm and finding out her next day off, then make set, carved in stone plans and see what happens.
14. Been “talking” to a guy for like 4 months and we have a lot of arguments about petty stuff. If we’re constantly having disputes this early in the game, should I be working on a hasty exit strategy ASAP?
Depends on what the qualms are about. If it’s jealousy stuff, maybe try establishing a more definitive connection than “talking.” If you just feel irritated by the sight of each other then that’s actually a terrible, but obvious sign that it’s worth reconsidering moving forward.
15. Do “having a crush” and “liking” someone mean different things?
Yes, duh. One means drinking a soda and the other means liking someone… God, I’m the actual worst, but seriously I’d say there’s a slight difference. A crush is infatuation and “liking” someone is actual feelings. Urban Dictionary is your friend, homie.
Please send any modern dating questions you have to Hudspeth@thoughtcatalog.com and they will be answered in the next installment!