When A Girl Warns You That She’s Leaving, Listen To Her

When anyone gives you a condescending warning, it’s natural to want to disagree immediately because they’re not a fortune teller, right? They’re not some all-knowing enchanted being. Aside from Raven, I’m not buying anyone’s bold predictions of my future. “You’ll see. I’m here right now, but if you’re going to look past the opportunity that’s in front of your face, you’ll regret it.” That’s what she told me and I felt patronized. Perhaps I was arrogant. I had too much pride. It felt like I was being talked down to and I met her notice with smug over-confidence. My gut knew I was making a mistake, but my actions refused to acknowledge it.

I walked away that day, hearing her words but not actually listening to and processing them. Honestly there was a short stretch where I thought I’d made the right decision, but that didn’t last. A few days went by and I wasn’t regretting turning my back. You’d think forgetting the past would get easier from that point on but one night my progress hit a wall, coming to a screeching halt. It gradually got worse as I went from having second thoughts to full-blown regret in a matter of moments.

Lying in bed wide-awake, I hated my past self for his stubbornness. No longer than a week earlier she was there, providing me with an option while I brushed it off because I didn’t want to believe how right she was. What a difference seven days had made. I tossed and turned for a while before my growling stomach prompted me to get up for a late night snack. There was nothing to eat. I mean, the cabinets and refrigerator were stocked, but not with what I really wanted in that moment. I couldn’t distract myself with this food; no matter how hard I tried. My appetite was non-existent. Sitting at the table alone I made a decision — I’d go to the place I’d last seen her in the hopes that against all odds she’d be there.

Morning came and I didn’t waste any time. I was in my car, cutting through traffic hastily until shortly thereafter I pulled into the Walgreens parking lot she’d been at just over a week earlier. I casually scanned the entrance doors for a few moments. To my dismay there was nothing. No table, no signs, no Girl Scout and more importantly none of her Samoas. Or Thin Mints. Or Trefoils. Hell, I would’ve even been ecstatic to see some SavannahSmiles or Tagalongs. Sadly, there was just nothing. I was suddenly in a lonely, ominous, world void of cookies. That Girl Scout’s aggressive, almost threatening sales pitch had brought out a defensive side that refused to accept the fact that she was right. She’d made it clear that her stand of cookies would be gone later that day and now it was. There I stood, empty of cookies and full of regret.

I know some people in certain locations still have access to Girl Scout cookies, and that’s why I’d like to warn you like she warned me. Don’t let those delicious treats disappear without indulging properly. You’re going to miss them when they’re gone. When they’re gone, you’re going to miss them when they’re gone. You’re going to miss them by their box, you’re going to miss them being in stock, you’re going to miss them when they’re gone.

[YOU CAN STOP READING HERE OR CONTINUE FOR THE ALTERNATE ENDING]

Wait, hold on a second y’all, I actually just went inside of the Walgreens and discovered that Keebler makes these things called Coconut Dreams and they’re literally the exact same thing as Samoas. If you’re saying “No, they aren’t the same” stop being a cookie snob. Beggars can’t be choosers and these will certainly suffice. Now I just wish I could find that manipulative, pushy Girl Scout and flaunt my bag of Coconut Dreams that were two dollars cheaper and not for a limited time only. So actually, disregard my initial advice and when a person warns you that they’re leaving, rest assured that there is a better bargain, & substitutable version of them somewhere out there. Maybe even within the aisles of a Walgreens.