1. It may be exhausting but you can put on Oscar worthy acting performances for days, weeks or even months at a time, pretending to be okay with people and things that are actually stressing you out & driving you crazy. You’re basically a super dedicated, unpaid method actor.
2. Giving attitude here and there is a survival mechanism you use to avoid exploding. It’s a way of slightly sedating a potential blow up temporarily. Think of it like slowly unscrewing the cap of a soda so the carbonation doesn’t cause a massive, fizzy mess and overflow out of the bottle.
3. Thinking that your feelings are foreign to everyone else. When you see yourself as somewhat of a Martian, it’s easy to refrain from expressing what’s inside because you’re fairly certain nobody wouldn’t understand anyway.
4. In modern dating there are a lot of games being played, which can lead people to mistake your lack of feelings being expressed for an attempt at the popular “I bet I can care less than you do” shenanigans.
5. The silent treatment isn’t something you intend to use childishly, but more to get your point across. Silence is like an uncomfortable comfort zone for you to hold things in but also make it clear that you’re not thrilled with someone.
6. Eventually you’ll blows up. It’s inevitable. Probably randomly, all of those feelings will come out at once, and you’ll have the friendliness of a possessed person in the midst of an exorcism.
7. When you’re in a relationship and don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, you’ll hold things in as an unspoken favor, saving them from your potentially upsetting honest thoughts.
8. A common way to validate your holding things in is by telling yourself that they’ll slowly expire or you can last bottling ’em up until the cause of them passes. You’re probably wrong, but it’s a great excuse in the moment.
9. Innocent bystanders and undeserving individuals are at risk when you finally reach your boiling point. They aren’t the cause of your frustration, but get the brunt of the punishment. For example, one of your co-workers is excessively rude to you for three months straight and you deal with it, then one day another co-worker asks to borrow your stapler and you’re like, “SERIOUSLY??! SURE, COME OVER HERE TO USE MY STAPLER BECAUSE IT’S SO HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR OWN OFFICE SUPPLIES AND I’M THE ONLY ONE WITH A DAMN STAPLER AROUND HERE. STAPLE AWAY, DUDE. LAST TIME I CHECKED I’M NOT AN OFFICE DEPOT. THE LAKERS DON’T PLAY BASKETBALL INSIDE OF ME SO I’M NOT THE STAPLES CENTER! WHY DOESN’T DAD EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO CALL?… I mean…Whatever, just use the stapler and go away.”
10. Those rare instances where you do pour your heart out to someone had better go well, otherwise you’ll be devastated and further convinced that it’s just easier to say absolutely nothing about how you feel for the foreseeable future.
11. You understand how different opinions & feelings are. You may speak your mind and share your views, but when it comes to feelings you’ll hold off.
12. There’s a slight fear of consuming too much alcohol because that liquid courage could mean a whole lot of brutal, frustrated honesty coming out. Will you snap and say too much? Will you hurt feelings and ruin friendships? Find out next drink on, Uh-oh It’s About To Go Down!
13. Beating yourself up even further inside because you know that you’re bottling toxic sentiments up and need to speak your mind, but have failed to do so. Now not only are you mad at the world, but you’re shaming and being hard on yourself.
14. After spending so much time biting your tongue and holding back for the sake of others that you’re a mess inside, when someone finally asks you, “How are things going?” or “Is everything okay?” you’re overcome with all of the feels and want to burst in tears (and probably be hugged). You’ve bottled up an abundance of emotions and they just unscrewed the cap. You might be able to muster up a trembling voiced “I’m fine” and escape before the waterworks begin, but this only ends with you crying, whether it be on their shoulder or in private.
15. Deep down you understand that life is too short to not tell people how you feel, and there’s a constant battle within to improve on it. New Year’s resolution? I’m going to be more open with people. Randomly motivated to change? I’m going to be more open with people. It’s something you strive for, but ironically it’s much easier for you to say than do.