1. Reflecting on sad or unfortunate moments that happened over a decade ago.
I pointed & laughed when Shirley tripped and fell in second grade and she started crying. I wonder if she’s forgotten or forgiven me for that? I wonder if she’s okay. I should call her. SHIRLEY! Oh, what am I doing, she can’t hear me. She moved to Wisconsin years ago and I’m in bed and it’s 3am and why am I worrying about this and not sleeping and possibly waking the neighbors with my yelling? Ugh — just stop, close your eyes and get some rest… Seriously though, I should probably track her down and apologize tomorrow.
2. My phone is probably broken or service is messed up and that’s why I haven’t heard from anybody in a while.
No calls or texts for the past 36 hours? Psh, no biggie, Verizon is probably doing system maintenance or I have no bars or some option other than nobody in the world loving me…
[TWO HOURS LATER]
Hmm, that’s weird. I definitely have full service and I just got an automated text message from a local pizza joint promoting a special for large two-topping pizzas at $8 a piece. So does this mean my phone is fully functional, and I’m actually a loser? How sad, I’ve got to reach out to old friends and begin socializing again bef—Hi, yes, I’d like to put in an order for two large pizzas…
3. Song skipping misery.
Whether you’re on your iPod or Pandora or flipping through radio stations, they’ve got it all wrong. Everything being played could not be more unwanted than it is in that moment. With each pressing of the ‘>>’ button, your frustration builds as you voice your displeasure with the non-living music shuffle. I do not want to hear Kanye, I do not want to hear Green Day, I do not want Coldplay or Eminem, and I definitely don’t want Will.I.Am.
4. Throwing your lifeless body into a bed and sleeping.
Something about carelessly plopping into bed face first with your nose smashed deep within the fibers of a pillow speaks volumes. This action is representative of an entire mood that can only be defines as over everything and ready for a nap, but first I’ll indulge in some minor suffocation.
5. Dangerously deep thinking.
What happens when we die? What was it like before there was anything? What was nothing like? What do blind people see when they dream? What if nobody exists and everything is just a figment of my imagination? If it is, kudos to me for being the brains behind Bohemian Rhapsody and Hitch and blueberry muffins. Speaking of which, what is the proper way to eat a muffin without getting crumbs everywhere? Break pieces off? Use a spoon? A fork? DEEP THOUGHT OVERLOAD.
6. Everybody leave me alone (but kind of don’t leave me alone).
Sometimes you just want people to give you your space and let you have a few moments in isolation, y’know? However, often you want them to leave you alone, but also to keep prying and checking on you at the same time. Maybe physically you want the space, but a call or text to see how you’re doing so you can say “I’m fine” even though you’re a mess would be ideal.
Hoodies are no longer just an article of clothing, they’re an entire mood and on the cusp of becoming a lifestyle. Something about the hood covering a good portion of one’s head sends a message to society that they’re anti-social or hung-over or just keeping to themselves in general. People even own extremely thin hoodies these days so they can wear ‘em in the less cool months of the year. Add some sunglasses in the mix and you are a celebrity fully prepared to shun the paparazzi, or general public.
9. I feel like I can conquer the world and accomplish all of my dreams right now!
This happens to many of us fairly often. We read an inspirational quote or see that our nemesis just had success or watch a motivational clip and immediately want to move mountains. This disposition is great, but if we can’t trap it in a bottle then we often find ourselves in this next mood…
10. I’m rapidly aging, I’ll never accomplish anything and I’ll die and be forgotten without leaving so much as a scuff mark on this world.
More often than not this is my natural state, but deep down I think we’re all a little concerned that Retweets, Instagram likes and 40 hours a week at our job aren’t enough and won’t mean anything in the big picture… Ah, well, that’s depressing so I think I’m going to go change my mood to a combination of #7 & #8.