WARM, SOFT, OVERSIZED COOKIE + COLD, SWEET, TEMPERATURE COMPLIMENTARY ICE CREAM = HAPPY, HAPPY MOUTH JOY. Don’t eat just any Pizookie. Applebee’s will give you mediocrity a la mode, but find a BJ’s Restaurant or a local joint that does ‘em right. When made with tender love and care, these things make their case for best dessert in existence. I’m not exaggerating here, even when I’ve had lactose issues I happily devour these things knowing good and well of the painful consequences. Every last bite is worth it.
2. Samoa Donuts
They exist but they are the unicorns of the junk food world! If you see one, it’s your civic duty to purchase and taste it, or at least Instagram a photo to share the existence of said treats with the rest of the world.
3. Chicken Fried Bacon
This is the type of unhealthy that, while capable of initiating an immediate heart attack and death, is a cause worth dying for.
4. BBQ Sundaes
I know this sounds/looks/feels disgusting but hear me out. There are variations but the general example would be: a layer of beans, coleslaw and pulled pork, topped with scoops of mashed potatoes that give off the appearance of ice cream. Some do it differently, but it’s generally a combination of those ingredients. Personally I haven’t tried one of these yet, but I’m willing to drop everything and fly to the nearest place that is capable of supplying a quality BBQ sundae.
5. Sonoran Dogs
It’s a hotdog wrapped in bacon, but don’t be naïve, that’s only the beginning. You want the erotic details? It’s topped with beans, grilled onions, succulent tomatoes, mustard, mayonnaise and jalapeño sauce. I usually hate like three of those toppings BUT when their powers combine, this magnificent concoction comes forth.
6. Nutella Oreos
Dip the cookie straight in the jar, spread a sexy layer of that chocolate, hazelnut deliciousness on the crème-less side or use whatever method tickles your fancy as long as the Nutella and Oreos come in contact before greeting your taste buds for a threesome that will lead to multiple mouthgasms.
7. Frito Pies
Take a bag of Fritos (the chili cheese version if you want to color outside the lines a bit), open it and pour actual chili and cheese (nacho or shredder OR both) on top, then shovel it in your mouth without caring about appearance because come on, look what you’re eating here.
8. Cinnamon Toast Crunch + Horchata
So instead of milk, you’re going to douse the cereal in horchata. If you don’t know, horchata basically tastes like post cinnamon toast crunch milk as it is, so when you do it this way you’re left with an amazing, brownish, white liquid that tastes like heaven. It’s like a twice-baked potato except it’s slurp-able, extra sugary, cinnamon milk.
9. Spaghetti Pizza
It’s what you think it is, folks – pizza with another beloved form of Italian cuisine as a topping. Whoever first thought to do this is probably capable of creating some great things in this world, but making a habit of merging two complete meals into one seems like a way to speed up the artery clogging/death process.
10. Hawaiian Roll Cheeseburger Sliders
Miniature patties sandwiched between two of what I believe are the most delicious form of sweet breads in existence, along with a piece of melted cheese or whatever burger toppings you prefer. How amazing, right? One day, out of buns and thin on hope, I improvised these and felt like the Steve Jobs of food. Innovation at its finest. Try these suckers and bask in the fact that you don’t feel nearly as bad as you should for devouring all those calories because they’re just so tiny & cute.