1. Split ends.
I couldn’t even describe to you what a one looks like. If they told me to identify a split end or have my leg cut off, I’d immediately Google ‘custom made jeans for one-legged men’ before giving my best guess. I know what you’re thinking–who are “they” and why not use that Google search to find an image of split ends and save myself an amputation. I don’t even know the answer to my logic, just like I don’t know what’s so significant about a broken strand of hair.
2. Manicures & pedicures.
Two things. One, I know a lot of ladies don’t care in the least bit whether dudes notice their nails or not and they do this for themselves (or their Instagram followers)–kudos, do you, boo. Two, the guys who do notice this tend to think of it as an accurate way to gauge how seriously a woman takes body maintenance. So they either don’t care at all or they care A LOT. But most of ’em don’t care.
3. How annoyed you are with their stares from across the room.
This silent method of flirting isn’t something that women tend to enjoy, I’d reckon unless someone they find physically attractive is doing it. In the guy’s mind, a woman looking back every once in a while and making eye contact signifies mutual interest, when in actuality she’s probably thinking, “… the hell is this creep looking at?” Flashing him a slightly annoyed look might do the trick, or fellas, we could just say “hi” and see if that goes any better than a wide eyed, long distance seduction attempt.
4. What brand your bag is.
The $20 bag from Target looks just as good as the $250 one from Dillards. Unless it’s just something you like for yourself, I wouldn’t recommend splurging in the hopes that a dude will take notice. I mean, would you really even want a guy who begins his approach with “Damn, girl, is that Dooney & Bourke?”
5. You noticing them, staring at your boobs.
See, here’s the thing about eye contact – it takes four to foxtrot. Two eyeballs meeting two eyeballs, and if one side of that equation veers off, the other is going to notice. I’m sure it must feel like, uh, you know I can see you, right? So on behalf of dudes who do this, those of us with common sense offer the sincerest of apologies. If he ever looks up from your chest, be sure to blatantly gaze at his crotch in return with a smug, unimpressed expression.
6. Stretch marks.
At least none of the men I’ve ever spoken with have complained about such an unimportant thing as a few wavy lines or whatever. They’re just never mentioned as a factor, much less a deal breaker in any man’s decision of whether he wants to pursue a woman or not.
7. Weak signals.
Blame it on the social norm that says guys are responsible for taking the first step in initiating any type of approach or indication of extracurricular feelings. Because of this, it damn near takes a blatant wink wink, nudge nudge to make a male aware of your sentiments. Also these hints are really just there to give a go-ahead. A green light letting the dude know he can now proceed and handle the intense, putting yourself out there part. Regardless, he’s probably completely unaware of any low key flirting.
8. When they’re in a relationship with a great woman.
Don’t ‘cha hate it when that happens? It sucks but a lot of the time, not just guys, but people in general fail to see all you do for them until you stop doing it. Maybe that notion applies to this entire list; guys don’t notice many of these things you may or may not do, but they’d be clear as day if you stopped doing ’em.
9. Any amount fewer than 2 inches of hair cut off.
Going from Rapunzel to Rihanna is one thing, but a few centimeters aren’t always going to be noticed immediately, or possibly even at all.
10. That you’re friends with that one girl he dated, or hooked up with, or attempted to hook up with, etc.
Not all dudes may notice, but some of us are well aware of this female-illuminati-secret-society type deal going on. It’s like there’s one giant network and while you may pretend to hate each other at times, if a guy does or says something bad towards one woman, a gigantic chunk of them will be informed of his crimes against their gender. It’s simple, if you talk mess about and/or treat women poorly, expect to have a reputation—a bad one. Maybe not Chris Brown bad, but like John Tucker or 90% of dudes named Zach, Zack, Zak or Zac.