1. Act like they don’t see someone that they definitely recognize and know, but would rather not engage in a brief, awkward what-have-you-been-doing-with-your-life conversation.
2. Completely ignore the story someone’s telling because you’re waiting for it to end so that you can tell your much better story on the same topic. It’s like seriously, wrap it up dude — I’m sitting on comedy gold here.
3. Find pleasure in hearing of or witnessing a jerk fail miserably at something. Anything for that matter. It’s nice to see good things happen to good people, and shamefully it can be just as pleasant to see bad people be dealt a sh-tty hand.
4. Feel satisfaction when a courtesy callback isn’t answered. (A courtesy callback meaning that they called and you missed it. You didn’t want to talk at all but you called back out of politeness. They didn’t answer. You celebrate.)
5. Have book cover-judging moments from inside of a car in which they hastily roll up the windows and lock doors because a not so friendly looking individual is walking in the vicinity.
6. Keep an extra bill that the cashier mistakenly included in their change. Folks won’t hesitate to speak up if they’re shortchanged, but if someone miscalculated and gave too much, mum’s the word.
7. Consider if the consequences for strangling an inconsiderate dog owner who let’s their pup drop deuces in everyone else’s yard are worth it.
8. Root for Wile E. Coyote and Tom to catch and destroy the Road Runner and Jerry.
9. Decide what photos make it from their camera to Facebook based strictly on their own appearance, with no regard for the others who may have been captured in one ugly, unappealing frame. Also, they’ll have no qualms with tagging you to let it be seen by the masses.
10. Find some odd pleasure in being the first one to report news of a celebrity death to friends. And really it’s not just limited to those we know, I was told about Michael Jackson’s death by at least five strangers.
11. Permanently (possibly by accident, but most likely intentionally) borrow a friend’s DVDs, clothes, etc.
12. Say not-so-nice things about the customers in front of us in line that are taking forever, even though ultimately the employees are responsible for the delay.
13. Give false compliments encouraging behavior or decisions that we know darn well aren’t the best. e.g. Saying positive things about a horrid looking shirt that someone is wearing. It’s sweet to spare their feelings but the bogus comments may influence them into making similar mistakes in the future.
14. Stay involved in dead-end, futureless relationships for an extended period of time, straggling along a foolishly hopeful partner.
15. Speak negatively about friends behind their backs. It’s casual — almost routine, to talk about buddies, even those closest to us. Sometimes it’s full blown bashing but for the most part it’s harmless, playful gossip – if there is such a thing.