Ranking The Women On This Season Of ‘The Bachelor’: Who Is Bland Enough To Actually End Up With Ben?

Hi Everyone! This week we wondered how it’s possible that the success of The Bachelor franchise lends itself to having such a low budget. Does anyone remember last year when they went on an exotic vacation to… South Dakota? This week Ben and his harem are in vegas and instead of doing anything actually interesting the producers force Becca to wear a (white, obvi) wedding dress and have Ben TOTALLY psych her out with an almost proposal. Isn’t that hilarious? SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA GET PROPOSED TO. LOL. What a funny joke!

Here’s how all the women did this week, ranked from least to mostly likely to end up with Ben at the end:


Our fallen heroes


Amber

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

I don’t get why Amber came back this season. Her style has always been flawless and so I started off really liking her in Chris’ season, but the more time went on the more I realized she really does not have a personality. Like, at all. I think she needs to go home and stop being a bartender and give herself whatever like she thinks all these Bachelors are magically going to give her.

Rachel

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Our unemployed Arkansas princess went home. She didn’t get any screen time this season so I can’t really say anything else about her. Should have talked to an onion on screen, at least then she’d be get the parting gift of an invitation to Bachelor in Paradise.

Hayley

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

As we’ve heard a million times on this season, BEN LIKES GIRLS WHO ARE BUBBLY. (Which, is kind of deeply unsettling in itself — why do you need women to clap their hands and smile for you like a circus seal?). Anyways, he didn’t think it was fair to keep both twins around so instead he pitted them against each other and eliminated one in front of their mom. Cool. Emily the “dominant” twin lives.


still in the running


Olivia

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Olivia describes herself as “strong” and “intimidating” and talks about herself in the third person. She also goes low key batshit this week and then explained her (misplaced) optimism as “I read a lot of romance novels where everything works out in the end). She has zero chance with Ben.

Emily

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

I just can’t get over any self-respecting man going on national TV and then choosing a woman who self-identifies as stupid. Why would you show the world that you a) don’t care about a partner who can take care of herself and b) don’t care about a partner who respects themselves? It’s just bizarre. I am annoyed more people aren’t talking about this but I also feel like it makes it impossible for her to go to the end. It’s a bad look for Ben and for the franchise because it plays into the worst stereotypes of what the show is about.

BTW was anyone else freaked out about how the twins looked without makeup???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Leah

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Leah gets a rose and seems like Ben’s type (blonde and not-complicated) but at this point her relationship has to be far behind the other women’s because we really haven’t seen much of her at all.

Jubilee

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Ben and Jubilee have this weird, awkward chemistry. It’s really confusing. Maybe next week’s freak out will clear some things up.

Jennifer

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Jennifer is either a dark horse — or the last of the girls who aren’t getting screen time because they’re actually going home soon. I can see Ben liking her — they have a similar look and she’s sweet and sincere enough for him. We’ll have to see what next week brings to make a real decision on her ranking.

Jojo

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

At this point I’m probably inflating Jojo’s rankings because she’s one of the only likeable women left. She’s interesting and driven and fun, which sounds like way too much for Ben — but a good character to root for.

Lauren H

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Last week I said Lauren H couldn’t win because she was like the platonic form of a kindergarten teacher as a personality. But I’ve since revised my opinion because Ben is so bland this is probably what he wants in his ideal wife.

Amanda

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

We haven’t seen a lot from Amanda, but she’s so meek and helpless and pretty that I feel like Ben has a huge boner for her the producers just haven’t had time to give an arc yet.

Becca

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Becca is so awkward and cardbord-y that it’s hard to think of anyone being excited to date her despite her incredible good looks. However, Ben is secretly an evangelical Christian (the producers don’t really let them broadcast this on the show) so pure, virginal Becca has a great shot with him because they share those interests and values. He’s said that is THE most important factor in picking his future wife (you know, as long as it comes in a gorgeous package like Becca).

ALSO: I am absolutely crazy about the Manson-inspired hippie dress the producers put her in for the wedding ceremonies — anyone know who makes it???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Lauren B

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Lauren B is all of Ben’s three favorite things: little and bubbly and blonde. She gets the group date rose and Ben seems to really like her and she seems perky enough that I can’t see her causing enough trouble to warrant any kind of elimination other than him simply falling for someone else.

Caila

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Sweet, fragile, personality-of-a-wet-piece-of-tissue Caila… just the kind of girl an Indiana softboy like Ben dreams of white knighting. Still the frontrunner (though probably a red herring one, knowing how past seasons go) until some drama thrusts her from the stage.


Burning questions for next week’s episode


Who does Ben describe as ‘fully wife material’???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Dear God, why is this happening???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

How many times will Olivia make this face???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Olivia calls Amanda’s life “and episode of Teen Mom” LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

Will we as an audience ever get tired of watching beautiful people whine about how unloveable they feel???

ABC's The Bachelor
ABC’s The Bachelor

See you next week! TC mark

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