1. You might be slow to warm up to them. A man worth pursuing isn’t always the one who immediately makes you twinge on the inside when you meet him. This isn’t love at first sight. You can’t see the features you need to find to know he stands out from the rest just by looking at him. They are revealed over time.

2. He doesn’t make you guess. He isn’t into mystery for the sake of drama or for the sake of avoiding an uncomfortable situation. He’s there when he says he’ll be there, he feels about you the way he says he feels, it’s simple.

3. He’s not a superhero, he isn’t infallible, he isn’t perfect. But he is kind and generous with your faults, so you are with his, too.

4. He doesn’t need you to figure out his life for him. He isn’t a “some-assembly-required” kind of guy. This doesn’t mean he has everything together, all the time (who does?) it just means that he works on it, he doesn’t need you to push him because he pushes himself. You can happily support his decisions instead of having to make them.

5. He has a hobby he pursues in his free time that doesn’t involve you. Whatever it is, it’s more active than watching Football on the couch (though, it’s fine if he does that, too).

6. On the rare occasion you’ve wanted to nag him, you’re able to quiet that voice and be charitable with him. This is because the occasion is so rare, generally he does what he says he will do (#3), he takes care of his own life (#4), he isn’t lazy (#5) — he in no way is the kind of guy who needs a mother picking up after him or putting his life together for him.

7. He isn’t insecure or jealous. When you get in a fight he doesn’t cut you down to raise himself up. He doesn’t need to win an argument to feel good about himself, he needs to fix the fight with you and figure out what will make you both happy. He is reasonable, rational, and confident.

8. He makes you feel like you are worth loving, even when you don’t feel like you are.

9. He doesn’t treat you like a fragile piece of glass just because you are a woman. He is strong enough to do and say things that are not immediately pleasing, but which are necessary and healthy for the long term of your relationship. He isn’t an asshole unnecessarily or for the sake of “just being honest” or anything so reeking of immaturity. He simply has enough faith in you to treat you like a grown woman and not someone who will leave him the minute he doesn’t bow down to you.

10. When you’re in bed, he makes you feel desired and beautiful. You find that you can be more adventurous with him because he makes it difficult to be embarrassed in front of him. You’re on the same team.

11. You are never the butt of his joke, especially when other people are around. Playful teasing is healthy, criticism and unexpressed annoyance disguised as humor are not.

12. You feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him. You know his hurts aren’t intentional and even if things didn’t work out between the two of you, you wouldn’t regret being open with him because he’s not the kind of guy who will use it against you later. You can do the work of building a relationship with him, because you feel secure enough to do it.

13. His confidence is not confused with arrogance. He does what he can with what he has, but he is humble about where that takes him. He is gracious and grateful.