A few months ago, this guy, Leon, sent me a friend request on Facebook. I saw that we had a few mutual friends, and he seemed alright, so I accepted. We started messaging back and forth a few times, but nothing nonplatonic. He struck me as a little weird, like, overblown conspiracy theorist that calls everyone “plebs” weird, but I had been willing to overlook it. One night, my friends and I were attending an event at a bar in his area. I saw on the Facebook event page that Leon was listed as attending, though we hadn’t specifically spoken about meeting up or anything. Also, I had never seen or met him in person before.
Shortly after arriving, I greeted a group of my friends (about 9 people), and I was spending most of the evening with them. Leon approached me and briefly introduced himself. We made small talk about finding the place, bands playing, stuff like that. Another female friend walked in with her boyfriend, spotted me, gave me a hug and started making general girly chitchat. Leon walked away.
The bar was crowded and really, really hot. I didn’t see Leon around anymore. I decided to go outside for some fresh air, at the same time that another guy I knew walked into the venue. Hugs all over the place, more casual chatter… and then it happened. Leon came up to me, looked at the other guy… It’s hard to describe how he said this, but it was in a tone that struck me as rude/sarcastic/aggressive. “Excuse me, am I interrupting something? Am I interrupting something?” My guy friend shot me a weird look and excused himself.
“So you’ll talk to me online, but not in person?” I thought he was joking or playfully teasing at first, and then I realized that he was serious. And angry. I can’t remember most of the conversation, but most of it involved him barraging me with accusations of ignoring him. It caught me off guard; I wasn’t sure how to respond. I just stared, surprised. I wasn’t trying to ignore this guy. His next question: “Are you socially awkward?” (What kind of question is that? If things weren’t awkward already, they sure were after that.) I explained that I was just hanging out with friends, apologized, and excused myself to step outside for a few minutes. On my way out, he turned to a friend of his who was at the bar. He started trying to attain affirmation for his tactics: “Men have to be the aggressors, right? Right?” Yeah… decided not to go back in. My friends followed me outside and one walked with me to my car.
A few angry Facebook messages from him later (though we’re no longer friends now), I see him posting links to some Masculinists website, with one particularly focusing on a picture that said “Today’s society is now dominated by women… Oh, and btw, did I mention that women are psychotic, inhuman, and contribute nothing of any value?”
I haven’t personally heard from him since then, but it seems like he’s weaseling his way into my group of friends, and it’s bugging the fuck out of me. I remember that these people weren’t previously our mutual friends, but it seemed like he was adding people off of my friends list. I saw posts in my news feed of him commenting on their statuses, talking about going drinking or hanging out sometime. They’re not really local, there’s no way he would have known them otherwise, and they’re not the people who I was at the bar with. The idea of him befriending my friends nauseates me. I don’t know what to say to them (e.g. “Hey, that Leon guy you’re friends with… he’s really weird.”), or if it’s overdramatic or immature to bring him up at all.
Your Heart Will Heal—A Gentle Guided Journal For Getting Over Anyone, by Chrissy Stockton, will help you uncover inner peace and the strength to move on. Process every stage of your breakup: shock, denial, grief, sadness, insecurity, and anger while feeling supported and loved through your pain. Make this guided journal your trusted friend during your journey to feeling whole again.