I Fell For You, Even Though I Knew I Shouldn’t

when i shouldn't have fallen for you
Jean Gerber

I think we all know how the story goes. Everyone tells you this person is bad for you. People around you start warning you; every person in your life has a story of why this person is not dating material. They play girls all of the time. They never keep someone around for long. This person has endless issues that you won’t be able to take on.

It’s the asshole. The fuckboy that all of your friends warned you about. The one whose track record is horrendous and you can’t even count the amount of girls that they’ve been with. It’s not the type of person that your friends and family support. It definitely isn’t that someone you should get involved with when you were hoping to finally settle down.

But you do it anyway.

You give them a chance. Because hey, what do your friends know anyway? People can change. They can get better.

Right?

Well maybe. But not here. Not this time. The rollercoaster started right from the beginning. The signs were there and everything was pointing me in the opposite direction. I knew I should run, I knew I should leave before things got too serious and it would be harder, but I’m the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve and it wasn’t going to be as simple as that.

You couldn’t make up your mind. Did you want me or did you just enjoy the idea of having someone like me? Did you actually want to change and start to settle down, or was it really just the thrill of making another girl fall for you? Did you mean any of the things you said, the sweet gestures you showed or the things you told people about me? Or were those all just a way to get me wrapped around your finger before you’d take off and leave again?

For whatever the reason, I fell anyway.

I fell fast and hard and against the judgment that my head and everyone else around me was telling me. I went for it because I like to see the good in person. I like to believe that people have the ability to change, especially, because I know I have.

So I did it. I did it and I lost another part of me to a person who may or may not care the slightest bit. I fought for something without getting anything in return and I made myself vulnerable just to be left very hurt and discouraged, once again.

The pain gets old after awhile. It’s hard to not get let down. It’s easy to get caught up in blaming myself for not listening to my friends and the people around me. I really struggle moving forward when the story constantly ends in the same way.

But I’m not wrong for giving you a chance. It wouldn’t seem fair to not ever give someone the benefit of the doubt. I would want the same for me.

So I did it.

I fell for you, even though, deep down, I knew that I shouldn’t. TC mark

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