As if a bad day wasn’t bad enough. If only, the work piling all over my desk, the long hours and the meaningless arguments with the important people in my life wasn’t enough to send me home ready to spend the night under the covers binging on Netflix and a bag of chips. If only this crappy day didn’t have one more really irritating, lingering, and unnecessary element.
If only this sucky day didn’t leave me missing you.
Of all of the things and people that could be on my mind on a day like today, why did it have to be you? Why does my mind instantly carry over to the comfort you gave me after a bad day? Why do my memories consist solely on the times that you’d lay awake with me at night, rubbing my back and listen to me complain and tell you all about my day?
Why does my head remember all of the good things? Why is it so easy for my mind to remember all of the beautiful memories that we shared and so quickly forget all of the horrible ones? How is it possible that on day where everything is going wrong, I can want nothing more than to be back in the arms of the person that destroyed me? Time and time again.
What does a girl have to do to retrain her mind to forget the good things? Why is it so difficult to forget the amazing times, but instead so easy to forget all of the times I was left crying myself to sleep because you WEREN’T there? How is it possible that I can so easily remember the times you held me while I cried, but so difficult to remember all of the times you left t me there and continued to walk out the door?
Maybe that’s just who I am. Maybe my heart always had it in me to love you and forgive you. Maybe that was the biggest problem at all. I loved you so much that it was easy to forgive you. It was easy to take you back with every apology and with every time that you said things would be different and you wouldn’t hurt me again. It was easy to love you, with all of my heart.
My heart will always love you. A part of it at least. And maybe that’s the best part. The fact that I have the ability to love, forgive and accept someone for all of their flaws. My heart is full of the ability to love and fight for someone. That’s way more than I could have ever been able to say for you. That’s more than you were ever able to give me in return.
So what if I miss you when I have a bad day? So what if I miss you when every single thing in my world is falling apart? The ability to miss someone shows that I had the ability to love with every fiber of my being. And that right there is a beautiful blessing in itself. That right there, makes every little bit of this okay.