All you’ve known is immaturity. Your past relationship consisted solely on lies, manipulation, fighting and passionately making up. Every person around you was able to see how unhealthy this was for you. Everyone in your life knew how bad things had gotten.
But you couldn’t see them. You were blinded by love. What you deserved was completely and utterly blinded by the sole fact that you thought this kind of behavior was normal. You were so used to what a toxic relationship was, it had become all you known.
You were the only person who was not able to see how badly things had gotten.
Since then, dating has become so difficult. It has consisted of sorting through the people who show “red flags” from the beginning to figure out who is even worth giving a chance to. Dating has become full of fear. You don’t know your worth. You almost can’t even understand what’s going on and why someone is treating you well.
You end up pushing good things away before they begin. When something seems too good to be true, you assume that it is. The way that you actually should be and deserve to be treated has become foreign to you. You run. The idea of someone giving you their full attention and actually treating you well is terrifying.
No matter how many times the people in your life try to explain this to you, you just can’t see it this way. You think something is wrong. You can’t understand why there aren’t any fights, insecurities, and jealousy. It just does not make sense to you why a person is treating you this way.
It makes you sad. It makes you struggle with the fact that you tolerated things the way that you did for so long. You don’t understand how you could have settled and had so much love for a person who treated you so badly.
You see the way other people are willing to treat you and it literally breaks your heart. You start to see what a healthy relationship is and the entire concept is something you can’t even wrap your head around.
Dating has become completely different. You are officially the damaged one. You are the one that has to explain your trust issues. You are the one that has to make sure the other person understands why it is so difficult to let someone in.
You are broken beyond belief. You are broken, but that has not stopped you from believing in love. You want to love again. You want to feel the beauty that is loving someone with every fiber of your being. You want to feel everything again, just without all of the pain and sadness.
It scares you that someone could truly have good intentions. It’s actually the most terrifying thought. How could you possible figure out when it’s okay to start to let someone in with the fear that they could absolutely destroy you in the way that your ex did?
Everything about this experience is frightening. It is not going to be easy, but you and your happiness are so beyond worth it. You will love again. But this time, you will love in a healthy way, the way that you deserve.