Falling in love with you was everything I was terrified of and excited for at the same time. It was intense, scary and absolutely breathtaking. It was that can’t eat, can’t sleep, and can’t get enough of a person feeling. I met you, and suddenly didn’t know how I could ever live a day without you.
Frankly, I didn’t think I would ever have to learn how to. I really didn’t believe that a day would come that I would have to try and figure out how to coexist in this scary world without you. I didn’t think I would ever need to think about it, because it wasn’t going to ever happen.
Well, boy was I wrong there.
I lost you in the same way that I fell in love with you, suddenly and then all at once.
It was like one day my life was everything I had ever dreamed of and the next I was figuring how to carry on without my favorite part of every day.
Time continues to pass and my love for you doesn’t seem to be fading any time soon. No matter how hard I try to put what the two of us shared behind me, I can’t seem to let you go. I can’t forget the way you loved me. I don’t know how to forget the way you made me feel a way I had never felt before.
I have been in love before. At least I thought I had. And all I know at this point is that absolutely nothing has compared to the pain of moving forward in this life without you.
I don’t like it. I never wanted to know a world that I didn’t get to share with you. I never wanted to imagine a life that I had to deal with without you by my side. Since the day I met you, I was certain I was never going to have to worry about falling for someone again. It was always going to be you.
So what happens when it isn’t? What am I supposed to do now that I have to carry on without you? At what point does this painful mess become easier? At what point am I able to wake up in the morning or lie in bed at night and not have you be the first and last thoughts that enter my head?
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified that I am never going to be over you.
I am absolutely scared out of my mind that I am going to wake up one day laying next to the person I chose to spend my life with, wishing that it were you.
I would be completely fooling myself if I said I didn’t wonder if you felt the same. Part of me hopes with every fiber of my being that you are having these same thoughts and struggles.
Secretly, I am wishing that you are missing me in the same way that I miss you.