I loved you. I loved you beyond words.
Sometimes it felt as though I loved you more than I loved myself. However, maybe that was the problem.
I should never have put you first when you couldn’t even put you first. I should never have put you first when you couldn’t put me first.
I put up with so much. I put up with everything you threw my way. I put up with the sh** storm of emotions you forced me to deal with because you couldn’t learn to feel and accept emotion yourself.
I put up with the back and forth, the highs, the lows, the “what are we’s”, the “are we ever getting back together”, I put up with it all.
But I did it for you. I did it for you hoping and wanting and wishing and truly believing that the story ended with you and me.
I am closing the door to the fighting.
I am closing the door to the blaming.
I am closing the door to the hurtful words.
I am closing the door to the emotional abuse.
I am closing the door to the back and forth.
I am closing the door to the mind games.
I am closing the door to the rollercoaster that has been you and me.
I can’t put myself through this anymore. I can’t let you destroy me anymore. I can’t allow the love I have for you to cloud my judgment as to the person that you are.
I can’t keep fighting for you without you fighting back. I can’t keep waiting around for you to be the person that I have always hoped and wished you could be.
And I most certainly can’t keep being there when you call. I can’t keep being there when you realized you have made a mistake and that I’m the one you want.
I can’t keep getting sucked back into your chaos and destruction. I can’t keep going back knowing the outcome is always going to be the same. It always ends with me left hurt and alone.
I can’t let you do this to me anymore.
I can’t be a part of this sick game. It is time to get my life back. It is time to be strong. It is time to find happiness that doesn’t involve you.
I loved you with everything in me, my whole heart, but it is time to close this door for good.