How To Have Drinks With Your Ex In 20 Easy Steps

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1. Change your outfit three or four times. Worry that one dress looks like you’re trying too hard, but that another doesn’t do your new, fit body justice. You’ve been working out recently, and it shows. You want to make sure he notices but you don’t want to look desperate.

2. Curl your hair. Then decide it looks ridiculous and put your hair up in a loose bun. Then decide that you look like an old lady and take your hair down again. Then change your dress one more time and decide that your hair will look best up in a bun since this particular dress only works if your hair is up.

3. Don’t eat anything before meeting with him because you’re too nervous to even stomach a peanut butter smoothie. Put the peanut butter smoothie you made but didn’t drink in the fridge.

4. Almost throw up three times while getting ready.

5. Almost throw up three times while walking to the subway.

6. Almost throw up when you first see him.

7. Silently congratulate yourself for not throwing up and immediately order a whiskey coke to celebrate.

8. Ask if he has any cigarettes even though you quit smoking almost four months ago. Chain smoke three of them within the first half an hour of the meet up.

9. Talk about the weather. Talk about finances and how hard it is to be a grownup. Talk about your jobs. Talk about the business trip that brought him here in the first place. Talk about anything that isn’t what you actually want to talk about.

10. Keep drinking. Drink enough so that you can actually hold a decent conversation.

11. Drink too much and start talking about what you actually want to talk about, but don’t ask the questions you actually want to ask for fear of getting an answer you don’t want to hear.

12. Start crying. Start saying how much you miss him. Drink some more. Repeat.

13. Go back to the hotel he’s staying at while in town. Have sex, but don’t have an orgasm. Feel both satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time. And don’t have him wear a condom. If he did then it would be like you’re not together anymore.

14. Before falling asleep, wonder if you should cuddle up to him.

15. Wake up to him grumbling about the lint on his socks. Hug him goodbye, but say nothing. Don’t ask if you’ll be seeing him again before he leaves town.

16. Fall back asleep, have horrible dreams, and wake up with an equally horrible headache.

17. Worry that you now have herpes. Worry that he’s upset that you didn’t have an orgasm. Worry that you said something stupid while you were naked.

18. Get home and take a warm shower, but still feel cold and sick. Drink the peanut butter smoothie you made last night that now has a nice layer of film covering the top of it. Feel even worse.

19. Facebook message him about an inside joke that was brought up last night, but feel dissatisfied with his two word response.

20. Rejoin OkCupid so that you can pretend to love someone else for a while. TC mark

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