1. The fact that you have clearly been single for a really long time will not stop family members from constantly asking you if you have found someone.
2. Egg nog is like drinking a liquified cake, but it also covers up the taste of rum perfectly, and is therefore your best friend.
3. Nothing goes with Christmas leftovers quite like your bed and a Netflix marathon.
4. The siblings/cousins who have a long-term SO to bring around for the holidays are basically the celebrities of the family.
5. When you go out with all of your hometown friends, you are immediately struck by how many of them are suddenly engaged.
6. (Technically, you should have known this through Facebook, but it’s still somehow surprising to see in real life.)
7. Considering a temporary “holidays” SO, just to have someone to kiss on New Year’s, is not really a bad idea.
8. Being pampered by your parents who are super excited to see you again almost makes up for the fact that you are not getting pampered the other 358 days of the year.
9. Somehow all of your achievements in the professional world don’t matter as much as someone else getting engaged.
10. At least old relative will imply that you’re getting old, too.
11. You will feel very, very old.
12. Browsing OKCupid to see who is around in your hometown for a date, and then closing out your browser and shaking it off, is a very normal thing.
13. The other single friends who are home for the holidays will become your new family, and your drinking buddies.
14. Your goal is to be buzzed throughout pretty much the whole week, particularly at mealtimes.
15. The places who deliver through the whole holiday season are your best friends.
16. Pretty much everything you see about Christmas on TV is somehow also about falling in love with your soulmate, and it makes you want to throw the remote through the screen.
17. You may kiss someone you went to high school with in a dive bar, but it won’t count.
18. Sometimes, while Christmas shopping, you just start buying stuff for yourself because it’s not like you have an SO to spend money on.
19. The “single person Christmas” playlist is a very real thing.
20. “Last Christmas” by Wham! is probably half of that playlist.
21. When you run into friends, the first question out of their mouths will invariably be if you’ve been seeing anyone, and sometimes you’re inclined to make up a crazy lie because why not??
22. Part of you gets to a feel like a kid again in your Christmas pajamas, which almost makes you feel less single for a minute. But then you turn on the TV again and remember that you are some kind of holiday troll.
23. Once you make it through New Year’s, though, you know you at least have a month’s reprieve before you have to deal with Valentine’s Day and feel incredibly single yet again.