I had a girl openly admit she used to stalk me.
Me: “So what’s with this confederate flag keychain?”
Her: “Oh, I’m a little bit racist”
She brought her mom. Since when are dates to coffee shops bring-your-mom-events?
Her: Do you want kids?
Me: Some day, but a lot of things have to happen before that does
Her: That’s a mature response, I love kids, I want one really bad.
Me: Like… right now?
Her: Yeah, all my friends know I’m not really looking for a good man, just looking for good sperm.
That she lost her virginity to her dog when she was a teenager. Apparently she just got naked, got on her hands and knees and let the dog mount her.
When I got to her house, I asked her about the large, menacing fellow with her in the big picture over the fireplace.
“That’s my husband. He won’t be home for a while”
I asked this cute chick from class to get a drink. Which was ballsy of me cause I hadn’t asked a girl out in a couple years and was pretty nervous. She accepted and I met her at a cool bar I know. We got to talking and she said something about her ex-girlfriend. I then realized I asked out a lesbian. I was absolutely crushed cause I finally had the balls to ask someone out and she was gay. Still turned out alright because we ended up being really good friends for the next year.
Online dating vet here. Couple that stand out.
“My parents are really pushing me for grand kids”.
“Hold on I need to tell my mom you don’t act like a rapist.” She also took her drink with her to the bathroom.
“I’m only doing this beause my room mate begged me to meet new people.”
“You look younger than your pictures. I’m not really into younger guys.” My age is in the god damn profile!
Also had a date with a girl where it was a “don’t wear pants on public transit” flash mob. So I guess that day I revelaed to her that I appreciate a good booty. But if she can’t people watch with me and judge butts, she was not the one.
That she pees the bed. Regularly.
Went on a date a few years back where the guy admitted to me that he was gay, but was trying really hard to be straight. He had tried sex with other girls and could never it up, and was hoping I could help him. Nope.
That he had an ongoing sexual relationship with his sister. But that she was trying to ‘break up’ with him. They were in their 40s.
Also, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Same guy, same first date.
He was so super physically attractive! And then….damn.
Me: “So you a cat person or dog person?” Her: “I find dog meat to be pretty good, never tried eating cat though.” Me: “….I’d say cat person then.”
Still gave it a try cause she was really hot, wavered when she mentioned that she hated pets and animals are only meant for meat, gave up when she tried to kick my dog. Sorry, Jake.
15 minutes in, “I don’t want to scare you away… but I’m pregnant.”
It wasn’t really a date but this guy and I had just started talking and we were entering the unstable ground of pre-dating when he decided to drop the bomb.
Mid make out the words slip from his lips as his arms are wrapped around my body holding me to him. “I want to slice you open and feel the warmth of your insides, god you would look so hot disemboweled.”
I immediately peeled myself away from him and noped the fuck out of there.
“If we had children they’d have green eyes.”
First of all, bruh, you need to brush up on your genetics. Second of all, what?
“I like how shy you are. It shows you’re not a slut.”
I, uh, may have taken that as a challenge, though he still missed out. It was a neg gone wrong, he insulted me and I fucked some other girl.
Hooked up with a girl that was a scientologist. Okay, whatever, she seemed nice. Then later on she talked about how her and her mom were into “numberology” or “numerology” or something, and asked for my full name, then started calculating what number the letters added up to. She then called her mom to verify the math and assured me that I must have been a good person because of what the name added up to…
She told me she’d had an abortion before. And that she had stuck a beer bottle up her lady parts once. Not sure if the two events were related. It was an awkward date.
I am a bit late but whatever.The guy told me he has supernatural powers.That was my first cue that he was a psycho. Still ended up dating him for 6 months.
She told me her ex shot her up with something and him and 5 of his friends took turns on her.
He was a registered sex offender, but it wasn’t his fault.
I’ve posted about this before- Guy told me he once fucked a Mexican chick in the ass, and when he pulled out there was a single refried bean stuck to the tip of his dick. He was a charming fellow.
First date: (We are 22) she told me that a home repair man told her to close her eyes and put her hand out.
The man then proceeded to touch himself with her hand (She was 7).
After he was done, she eventually told her mom and the man went to jail.
I had no idea how to respond.
We’re sitting at the bar and she shows me her insulin pump. Not only that, but where the tube is inserted in her abdomen. No problem with her being diabetic, but not really first ten minutes of a first date sort or material.
Last year I went on a date with a friend of a friend who I met at a party. I was 16, at the party when we first met he told me he was 18. Anyway, he was super super attractive and he text me a few days later asking me to go out.
He picked me up in his car that evening and it was all going well, until he said “Hey I like you so I’m going to be honest, I’m not 18, I’m turning 20 in 3 weeks. But if it doesn’t bother you it doesn’t bother me. And besides if tonight goes as planned you’ll be the first child I’ve fucked.” Then he did a little laugh and tried to kiss me.
…………………….. ……. Yep.
Went on a date with a girl once and one of the first things to come out of her mouth was “I’m a cunt, but the good kind of cunt.” That date did not end well.
I went on a date with a girl who told me she had a baby when she was 17 and she was on crack the entire pregnancy.
Him: “Immigrants are the problem with America.”
Said to me, whose family immigrated to America when I was a toddler.
She was married, gluten free, and vegan… I couldn’t decide which was the worst.
That she’s a bat-shit insane pathological liar, an alcoholic, smokes and is 40 lbs heavier than her picture.
That he was arrested for rape. But, according to him, it was consensual.
That he was a polygamist…. I’m 23… At least he was honest?
Herpes. Seriously, herpes.
I think I may win this one. I was on a date with a girl i’d already slept with (drunken night). Anyway we’re out for dinner, at one of Jamie Oliver’s restaurants, talking about family etc etc.
She talks about her mum and her dad, and how she doesnt get on with her dad as they clash.
Her: “we’re so different, like hes so moody all the time, and hes so tight too” (referring to being tight with with money)
Me: “oh so you’re not all that different then?”
She slapped me across the face, everybody turns around, awkwardness follows.
Was on a first date and he asked what I thought was my best feature and stupidly said my boobs. His response was “Oh good I am a nipple sucker”. Check please.
That he wanted to steal a whole roast joint of roast beef from the kitchen of the restaurant and then he got me to fall off my chair as a distraction and stole the beef and we ran off without paying and to be honest that would have been romantic in a way but then we had to sit in the park in the cold until he had eaten the whole thing, literally a joint of meat the size of a human head, and he ate it all and then we went to his house and made out but all I could think of was the fact that he had just eaten this giant joint of meat.
“So before we go to dinner, I should tell you that I just was released from prison. I served two years for giving blow jobs to teenage boys at the group home i worked at and I’m now a registered sex offender, but I don’t do that anymore.” Before I noped the hell outa there, I thought “damn, no blowjob tonight I guess.”
He said he still had feelings for his last girlfriend.
I met a girl that on her first date she revealed that she had had an abortion four months prior but that she was okay to do anything.
I had a guy go into great detail about his foot fetish and how it wasn’t weird. I was wearing flip flops and became really really uncomfortable.
39. the dannmann
“I went to jail for grand theft auto.”
40. pretty annoying
That he collects underwears. I asked if he collected used underwears. He said, no, he collects only the new ones. And no, he doesn’t put them on display on a mantlepiece (I asked). I don’t think I ever met him again.
Girl told me that she had a colostomy bag, but not to worry it doesn’t get in the way of sex. Needless to say the image was too much and that was the first and last date.
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