1. K, LOL, or some other short, simple response. In recent years the letter “K” has essentially become the universal symbol for “This whole interaction between you and I thing is over for right now.” The only people out there who actually reply to these brief messages are the ones who aren’t capable of recognizing and/or taking hints. Either all of the details of a discussion have been hashed out and a “K” is confirmation of receipt of the previous message, or the person figures replying with one letter, word or acronym will serve as the end credits of that convo. Yes, “K” is just one, simple letter, but many times it says so much more.
2. ‘Favorite’ the Tweet or ‘Like’ the Facebook status instead of writing a response. Everyone who uses social networks is guilty of this. EVERYONE. It’s just become a crafty little thing we do because, when a conversation has run its course, sometimes a ‘Like’ or ‘Favorite’ is an easy alternative to using those dreadful short responses discussed in point #1.
3. Saying “Alrighty, well I’ll let you go.” Those four words – I’ll let you go, sound a lot better than, “I don’t think you’ve got anything groundbreaking or remotely interesting left to say, and I’ve got sh-t to do today.” By stating that you’re letting them go, it takes all of the pressure off of the person who’s really ending the conversation – you. THIS WOULDN’T WORK IN ANY OTHER SITUATION. Oh, the check for dinner is here? I’ll let you pay. There’s a sink full of dirty dishes? I’ll let you clean those. There’s a new M. Night Shyamalan movie? I’ll let you watch it first and tell me if it’s worth 2-hours of life. The point here is that if you’re dealing with a longwinded person, who clearly has a spare 17-18 hours to shoot the sh-t, they don’t need to be let go — it’s you who’s probably tired of holding that phone next to your ear, or standing in the grocery store’s canned goods aisle reminiscing for the past half hour.
4. Request a picture. Nothing sounds creepy and unappealing like a desperate, “Hey, you should send me a pic… Erm.. So I can like, put it under your name in my contacts or something…?” Nobody in the history of picture requesting has ever hoped for anything less than R-Rated material. In this day and age you can find a photo of most people’s faces on Facebook, Instagram or what have you, so to ask for a picture is to ask to see some skin — some provocative type of glamour shot that would be used for a number of things, none of which includes your profile in that person’s phone contacts.
5. Slowly begin to turn your body in the opposite direction and maybe even take a step back. A person positioning their body to walk away from you is the equivalent of that out-of-time, award show, acceptance speech music. Whenever someone has done this to me in life, I just assume that they’re in a rush or slightly rude, but either way I make my words short and sweet, thanking my friends & family and wrapping it up hastily. It’s universal body language that any person from every land can speak. K? K.