1. When you tell somebody that they “look good today,” it’s important to realize that the more astonished you appear, the less of a compliment it becomes.
2. If an acquaintance follows you on Twitter, you have anywhere from 15 minutes-48 hours to follow back. This number decreases with each brand new tweet, which clarifies that you’ve been on Twitter. Essentially it reserves a table at ‘Unfollowing’ for the bitter party of one.
4. Dropping your phone so hard that the back pops off and battery skids across the ground or the screen cracks is one of the few ways to garner genuine sympathy from a stranger in this day and age.
5. People really love or absolutely hate feet. There is no middle ground. They either refuse to touch ‘em or are have a fetish and are willing to put them in their mouth and suck on toes like Tootsie Pops.
6. If you didn’t hear the statement, ask “what?” a maximum of three times before chuckling, nodding and replying “Yeah.”
7. If you never speak up about the little things in life, e.g. brush off snarky remarks, allowing people cut you in line, accepting the wrong beverage at a coffee shop — the world will walk all over you.
8. There are moments you’ll be in a room full of people and you might say something that receives no response and generates a tense stillness. There’s a reason why everyone is hushed, it’s best for you to be mute as well. At the very least, don’t make a second statement trying to fix your first one, because sometimes silence is the best solution.
9. Opening a bag of chips when you have guests over automatically entitles them to as many handfuls as they’d like, until the bag is nearly finished. However, they are obligated to leave you with the crumby corners of the bag that you don’t really want at that point.
10. If a nearly empty restroom has several unoccupied stalls available, and you come to the one placed directly next to somebody, that person hates you (rightfully so).
11. Some people get off on making controversial comments and getting a rise out of others. Don’t bother responding to absurd political/religion based Facebook statuses or reaction seeking statements; it only serves as nourishment for the attention hungry.
12. If someone sneezes, it’s nice to say, “Bless you.” A second sneeze? Meh, sure why not, “Bless you again.” But if they continue on with a flurry of sneezes, don’t feel compelled to say it for a third, forth, or fiftieth time.
13. Staring at someone and getting caught doesn’t mean you’re now welcome to openly gaze even harder.
14. When eating in public, don’t be shy. The people claiming to be full, nibbling their food and pushing it around the plate as their stomach growls look much sillier than the person devouring chicken wings with greasy fingers and ranch-covered lips.
15. Many people base whether or not they like you on if you’d be a good time to go out and share a drink with.
16. If you’ve met and made a friend because of another friend, don’t make plans that exclude the original connector.
17. Take pictures with somebody else’s camera at your own risk. People only care how they look in each shot and have no qualms with tagging you in your most unappealing frame.
18. You can’t always get away with saying, “I didn’t get your text,” some people will actually want to check your inbox to clarify these allegations.
19. Almost everyone is observant. We all consider ourselves people watchers and believe we’re so aware of our surroundings but in reality, most people are paying attention to the details and subtle comments.
20. A smile or polite response from an attractive stranger isn’t necessarily an indicator of interest.
21. If you aren’t able to laugh at yourself, others will have no issue doing it for you.
22. Everyone thinks that their group of friends is the funniest and worthy of their own reality TV series. However, those recurring, inside jokes are only hilarious amongst your clique, not to outsiders. Not even when you hastily explain the backstory of its origin.
23. Anyone you meet who feels the need to tell you more than once that they hate drama is definitely dramatic and will bring all of the drama into your life.
24. IHOP is widely considered the unofficial official recovery haven for intoxicated, sloppy messes to sober up after going out drinking – not a place for calmer night owls to read a book or experience peace, quiet and pancakes.
25. If you’ve seen this movie or episode sooo many times before, that’s really awesome. But reciting the punch line three seconds before it’s said on screen is one of the least cool things anyone can ever do.