When To Keep Fighting And When To Walk Away

There are times when an emotionally taxing situation reaches a crossroads, leaving us to make a difficult, life-altering decision. When we are weathered and exhausted with a relationship, questions will begin to arise. You’ll debate whether you’re doing the right thing by persistently attempting to making a seemingly defective connection function properly — or if severing ties is the best option. There’s typically not a well-defined side to lean toward. They both have pros and cons. The testing part is evaluating your specific scenario and making a difficult call. So first you must identify what your dilemma is and recognize the difference between fixable and unsalvageable.

Impractical expectations

One thing that’s certain is we can’t realistically expect perfection. Strive for it? Absolutely — but don’t get panic-stricken when your flawless hopes get a blemish. No two people possess an argue-free relationship. There seems to be a common theory these days that it’s ‘perfection or bust’ — but that’s a formula for failure because the going will get tough, and you can’t just get going. Well, you can — but you probably shouldn’t just throw in the towel every single time things aren’t all rainbows and butterflies. When it comes to arguing and button pushing, embrace the inevitability of it all.

Fussing and fighting

Does your significant other get upset every time you leave the TV on overnight or show up five minutes late? That’s solvable — turn the freakin’ TV off before bedtime and be punctual. Does your lover get angry every time you leave the house, period, or take longer than five minutes to text back? That might be a little less curable. The arguments spawned by trivial pet peeves and requests for common courtesy can be resolved by making a conscious effort to accommodate someone you care for. It’s so insignificant in the big picture, but if it makes them happy — why not? As for extremely jealous, controlling situations — those typically aren’t going to end well, so walking (or even briskly jogging) away isn’t necessarily a bad idea.

There’s the other side to these disputes. If you’re going to be with someone — anyone — you’re going to have to accept his or her flaws and habits that you aren’t necessarily a fan of. Unless you want to date yourself (AKA be alone), you’ll have to acquire a little thing called “patience.” You can’t buy it in stores — although going to the DMV on a Monday morning or Walmart during holiday season are great way to strengthen it.

In a healthy relationship it’s give or take, and neither person should be limited to performing one without the other. If he/she starts showing up five minutes early or being on time, let their forgetfulness to turn off the TV slide. When there’s a simple lack of patience, fight to improve and accept. A deep love shouldn’t end because of minute annoyances. The annoyance leads to anger, the anger leads to arguments, and the arguments serve as a rusty knife, slowly cutting through the connection. If it’s strong enough, it’ll survive the strain and eventually be unaffected by the cuts, but the weaker links will be severed.

Distance: literal and metaphorical

Sometimes complications can arise, especially during long distance relationships. But it doesn’t require physical miles apart to feel distant from someone. Many are familiar with what it’s like to be down the street, or even living with someone — yet feeling completely disconnected. It’s one of the most emotionally challenging feelings a lover can have, and it truly wears you out.

These are unique, case-by-case situations. Are there temporary circumstances placing a tangible or figurative distance between you and your other half? If it’s impermanent, it may be worth waiting out or concocting a temporary solution for, to ease that void and close the gap. When the distance will be there for the foreseeable future, that’s when you must decide if it’s worth the wait. The uncertainty of a payoff is enough to make many wave the white flag, but if a couple manages to persevere through the winds of change, they’re guaranteed to develop a strength that few possess.

How you feel most of the time

When the bad outweighs the good, when the stress is constant, the arguments habitual and the weight of the burden being carried is too heavy — it may be time to walk away. A person who feels unhappy everyday, with the inability to do anything about it shouldn’t continue to be miserable. We must take care of ourselves, because ultimately it’s nobody else’s obligation to. It’s nice to have others invested in our well being, but we can’t always expect it. The person you’re with should give you feelings of pleasure the majority of the time, with those not-so-satisfied occasions coming here and there.

This dilemma isn’t necessarily restricted to daters and couples. Brothers and sisters, children and parents — any group of people who care for each other, but can’t seem to have a (mostly) loving connection face this decision. Sometimes it’s simply unhealthy to oneself to continue taking part in a cancerous relationship. When the rainy days outnumber the sunny ones, and the pain is excruciating more often than not — turn around, and put one foot in front of the other until you’ve walked far away. If it’s someone you love, but simply struggle to get along with regularly, work out the kinks. The misconception that we should be willing to meet someone we love halfway isn’t enough; let’s be prepared to meet all the way at their location. Two people willing to put in 100% over 50/50 will have a significantly stronger balance, and a likeliness to fight through, not walk away. TC Mark

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