Excuse: “I’m not ready to be someone’s boyfriend right now.”
What It Really Means: “I don’t want to be YOUR boyfriend EVER.”

Excuse: “I’m just having a chill night in, I’m so exhausted.”
What It Really Means: “I’m going out to party and will be hitting on a ton of girls. And I’m blocking you on Snapchat so you don’t find out.”

Excuse: “I’m SO busy with work this week, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to meet up for a while.”
What It Really Means: “I’m just stringing you along and keeping you on the backburner until I find something better, so I’m telling you I’m busy when I’m actually meeting up with other girls.”

Excuse: “I don’t even remember liking that girl’s picture on Instagram, it must’ve been a mistake. She’s not even cute.”
What It Really Means: “Of course I remember liking her picture, she looked hot as fuck. And I messaged her right after.”

Excuse: “I just can’t use condoms, I can’t finish in them.”
What It Really Means: “I’m selfish and I don’t want to use a condom because it doesn’t feel as good as raw-dogging it. I don’t care about your safety, and also, I’m putting you at risk because I haven’t been tested in over a year.”

Excuse: “It’s totally safe. I’ll pull out. And I was just tested last week.”
What It Really Means: “I’ll pull out because I don’t want a kid, but if I happen to cum inside you, I’ll just get you Plan B and not care that you’re going to worry for the rest of the month. I can’t remember the last time I was tested, and you aren’t the only girl I do this with, so you’ll probably get a disease.”

Excuse: “It’s so much easier to find your g-spot when you’re smooth and hairless down there.”
What It Really Means: “I’m grossed out by your stubble and expect you to be as bare as a baby’s bottom even though I will not groom my area at all.”

Excuse: “I know we have good conversations, but I just feel like we don’t have any chemistry. I’m sorry.”
What It Really Means: “Now that I know you aren’t easy, I’m going to end things and move onto the next because I’m a horny bastard who only wants sex.”

Excuse: “I just feel like we don’t click anymore. I really like you, but I think it’s best we stop talking.”
What It Really Means: “I found someone who’s better in bed and I never liked you at all.”

Excuse: “Let’s just have a romantic night in. We can cook, drink wine, cuddle and relax in each other’s arms. We can’t really bond at a bar or around other people.”
What It Really Means: “I have no intention of doing any of those things, I just want to get in your pants and I can’t do that in public. Also, I don’t want to be seen out with you because people will think we’re dating.”

Excuse: “69? Why don’t we just take turns? There’s no rush!”
What It Really Means: “I’m going to have you suck my dick then pretend it was the best head of my life and say I’m too blown away to reciprocate because I don’t want to go down on you.”

Excuse: “I’m not hungry, let’s just get drinks.”
What It Really Means: “Food will make it harder for alcohol to kick in. I want you to only drink so you get tipsy enough to hook up with me, but not so drunk that it’d be considered me taking advantage of you.”

Excuse: “You think I’m using you? I’m insulted, I really care about you.”
What It Really Means: “I am completely using you but I don’t want to lose you because you’re willing to do dirty things in bed.”

Excuse: “I’m totally not a fuckboy, I just occasionally have a little fun.”
What It Really Means: “I am the definition of a fuckboy and am not changing my ways any time soon.”