To My Father In Heaven

It’s been eight months since you have passed, and I have finally built up the courage to tell you what you must know. You must know that there is not one day I don’t think about you. There is not one day I don’t miss you. And there is not one day I don’t treasure all that we shared together.

Dad, you need to know that I’m OK. I am doing well in life, just the way you always hoped I would. I want you to know that everything I do, I still do to make you proud.

You need to understand that I apologize. I am sorry for those fights we got into. I am sorry for any time I disappointed you as a daughter. I am sorry that I didn’t visit you more when you were sick.

Dad, I’m sorry for any hurtful words I ever said to you out of anger. I apologize for the fights, the arguments, the disagreements.

I want you to know that Mom is having a hard time. I’m asking you to please give her a sign that you are happy where you are. That you are right beside God and you will send a million blessings her way. Please hold her in your heart like you used to in your arms.

I want you to know that I yearn for a love that you and Mom had. I want to find that kind of love. You protected her, you gave her four beautiful children- a beautiful life. Your love has taught me not to settle, and that true compassion really does exist. And that if you and Mom found each other, I’ll find my love one day, too.

Dad, I need you to know that I forgive you. For everything. I need you to know that God has given me the grace to overlook all the negativity we faced. I know you are sorry, and I hope you know that I accept your apology.

Dad, I need you to know that you gave me all of my strength. Every time you were overjoyed when I did well in school, every time you smiled when I laughed, every time you were in disbelief at my independence- you need to know that it was those moments that kept me going.

You must know that I am forever grateful to have had you as a father. Thank you for the life you gave me. Thank you for your hard work that enabled me to have nice things. Thank you for your love.

Dad, now you need to know what I know. I know that you are better now. I know you are big and strong again. I know you are with your relatives and loved ones who have passed. I know that you are still sitting at our table during holiday dinners. I know that you are still proud of me. I know that now you know more than all of us on earth do.

Dad, I know that you love me even more than you ever did before.

Lastly, Dad, I need you to know one thing that has never and will never change: I love you completely and everlastingly. I have loved you through good times and bad. I have loved you through our differences. I have and always will love you. Forever. For eternity.

Dad, please watch over me and guide me. I feel lost without you. But I know you are still with me and I know I will be fine. Because I know that you are in God’s hands now.