Just A List Of Stupid Shit That Still Reminds Me Of You

A seashell on a shore
Unplash / Aaron Burden

1. I’ve got this old movie theater ticket from Get Out that makes me think of you every time I notice it sitting in my car’s cup holder. It’s stupid because I didn’t even see it with you, but I remember that night we talked about it for hours on the phone until I finally fell asleep. I know I should throw it away, but every time I start to add it to my pile of trash, I end up putting it back.

2. There’s a list of songs I refuse to listen to because they bring back too many memories. But sometimes, somehow, one of them will slip through. I was driving on the highway when Childish Gambino came on the radio and it made me freeze up completely. Remember when we used to sing to all his songs in the car when we were driving without a destination? I miss those nights the most.

3. I can’t go to my favorite coffee shop anymore. I’ve only ever been there with you. I can’t imagine a world where I walk in and you aren’t sitting at a table waiting for me.

4. I see our old friends a lot. They still talk about you. I wonder if they notice how I always look away when they do.

5. I have a bag full of seashells from that time we went to the beach and spent all day running into the waves. I miss the smell of the ocean, the saltiness of our skin, the way we laughed so hard we could barely breathe. I keep the bag in the trunk of my car because I don’t know what the hell to do with it anymore.

6. Every time I drive by your old street, my eyes start stinging.

7. I still remember the exact dress I was wearing when you broke my heart. My chest always hurts when I see it, but I wear it anyway.

8. The OJ Simpson documentary. Can you believe it? Of all the things that could make me think of you, it’s the fucking OJ Simpson documentary.

9. Museums. Any kind, really, but mostly art museums. You’re the only person I’d gone with to one for years, and all we used to do was run through the halls making fun of all the pieces. No one else really finds that appropriate, I guess, so now I have to stand politely and pretend I’m interested in everything I see while I think about how much I wish you were there.

10. Avocados, mostly because you always made fun of everyone who liked them.

11. Whenever I see the coins I brought back to Europe, I think about how you collect them and how I promised you I’d give you some of mine, but I never did.

12. I can’t drink gin and tonics anymore because that’s what you used to order every time we’d go out to get sloshed. Thanks for ruining a classic.

13. I lived in Philadelphia for a while, but whenever I think of it I mostly just remember the time you visited me. The city never felt more alive than when you and I were running around like billiard balls ricocheting back and forth. I still have our train tickets somewhere, but I keep them locked away so I don’t have to think about it.

14. I’ve got this old movie theater ticket from Murder on the Orient Express that makes me think of you whenever I see it crumpled up in my wallet. It’s stupid because I didn’t even see it with you, but I was in the theater when you texted me to tell me you were moving away. I keep telling myself I’ll throw that one away, too.

15. Sometimes I feel like you’re everywhere. I’ll just pick up an object in my room that has nothing to do with you and all of a sudden I’ll start thinking about all the times we stayed awake till 5 a.m. or how you’d sit next to me dutifully when I was so depressed I couldn’t make myself get out of bed or how we used to talk in coded language about our future together. I guess it’s easier to assign significance to things than to just admit the truth — the fact of the matter is it has nothing to do with objects or places or even people. I just miss you.

Callie is a writer, editor, and publisher at Thought Catalog. Her debut book, ‘The Words We Left Behind,’ was released in January 2024.

Keep up with Callie on Instagram, Twitter and calliebyrnes.com

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