1. Hate her
2. Hate her
3. Wow, another selfie
4. When did I like that page?
5. Are those boobs??
6. That’s spam
7. People should really be careful about spam
9. I’ll never have children
10. I hate babies
11. Not that baby, that’s a cute baby
13. ANOTHER BUZZFEED QUIZ???
14. Psssh. I’m not gonna take that
15. Oh yay! Someone liked my status!
16. Who is it? Lauren?
17, She’s smart, so I accept her like as a validation of my own wit
18. I need a new profile pic
19. Eh. Scratch that. My lips look great in this one
20. Matt always liked my lips
21. Ugh. The one that got away
22. (Pulling up his page)
23. Who the fuck is she??
24. Oh, she lives four states away. Never mind
25. He looks so good
26. He probably posted that picture because he knows how much I loved his arms
27. WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME??
28. Whatever. It’s over
29. (Back to Newsfeed)
30. Thought Catalog article. Share
31. Upworthy post. Share.
32. .gif expressing fears about finals. Liking that shit
33. (Types my own witty status about 20-something life)
34. (First like appears)
35. Alright, daily validation of wit obtained.
36. I hate hashtags
37. I hope your cat dies because you use so many stupid hashtags
38. I’m just kidding. I don’t mean that
39. But seriously. You’re tacky and I hate you.
40. Oh, so-and-so got married. Lovely.
41. Another Buzzfeed quiz…
42. Buzzfeed doesn’t know shit!!
43. Obviously, if I was a Tarantino movie I’d be “Django Unchained” not fucking “Reservoir Dogs”
44. Matt still has my copy of Iron Man
45. (Pulls up his page)
46. Really? This again?
47. (Back to Newsfeed)
48. Did that make you feel good? Are you going to torture yourself again?
49. (Pulls up his page)