50 Thoughts Every Girl Has While On Facebook

1. Hate her

2. Hate her

3. Wow, another selfie

4. When did I like that page?

5. Are those boobs??

6. That’s spam

7. People should really be careful about spam

8. Babies

9. I’ll never have children

10. I hate babies

11. Not that baby, that’s a cute baby

12. Like

13. ANOTHER BUZZFEED QUIZ???

14. Psssh. I’m not gonna take that

15. Oh yay! Someone liked my status!

16. Who is it? Lauren?

17, She’s smart, so I accept her like as a validation of my own wit

18. I need a new profile pic

19. Eh. Scratch that. My lips look great in this one

20. Matt always liked my lips

21. Ugh. The one that got away

22. (Pulling up his page)

23. Who the fuck is she??

24. Oh, she lives four states away. Never mind

25. He looks so good

26. He probably posted that picture because he knows how much I loved his arms

27. WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME??

28. Whatever. It’s over

29. (Back to Newsfeed)

30. Thought Catalog article. Share

31. Upworthy post. Share.

32. .gif expressing fears about finals. Liking that shit

33. (Types my own witty status about 20-something life)

34. (First like appears)

35. Alright, daily validation of wit obtained.

36. I hate hashtags

37. I hope your cat dies because you use so many stupid hashtags

38. I’m just kidding. I don’t mean that

39. But seriously. You’re tacky and I hate you.

40. Oh, so-and-so got married. Lovely.

41. Another Buzzfeed quiz…

42. Buzzfeed doesn’t know shit!!

43. Obviously, if I was a Tarantino movie I’d be “Django Unchained” not fucking “Reservoir Dogs”

44. Matt still has my copy of Iron Man

45. (Pulls up his page)

46. Really? This again?

47. (Back to Newsfeed)

48. Did that make you feel good? Are you going to torture yourself again?

49. (Pulls up his page)

50. Yes.