If You Had Let Me, I Could Have Loved You

Paolo Raeli
Paolo Raeli

If you’d had let me, I could have loved you.

I could have loved you from the moment I met you. I could have loved you the first time I saw you again after all these years of barely knowing you.

In a crowded bar as you reached from my hand, and told me I looked beautiful before the crowd pushed us away from each other. It was the first time something would push you away from me, but not the last.

If you had let me I could have loved you in all the ways you have been dying to be loved. I know you’ve been hurt before. When we first met you showed me all the shattered pieces of a heart broken by all the girls who had come before me. You never once thought maybe I had the glue. I wanted to be the one to show that you were not broken beyond repair.

When you showed me where it still hurt, the wounds in your soul that ran too deep, I wanted to look to you and say, “Then that is where will start.”

If you’d had let me, I would have showed you that you’re worth it. I would have let you tell me all of your stories, painting yourself in an unflattering light, agonizing again over the mistakes you can’t let go of. You’d tell me you’re sick of your own story and I’d say, “Shhhh this is my favorite part.” Because to me the best part is before the hero realizes he is one, and I’d like to see how your story ends.

I could have loved you until your walls came down, and in the midst of the rubble we’d find a place to start rebuilding. I wanted to show you that things that get knocked down can be rebuilt and that letting someone else help build you up can make you strong.

You couldn’t let me love you, so for a while you decided to make me hate you. How crazy is it that for you that was easier to accept? You were more comfortable with my bitterness and regret than with my genuine compassion. I realized too late that maybe you had seen this coming and decided to get out while you could still tread water, not realizing I would drown either way.

It’s true that I could have loved you. But you would have had to let me.

What I wanted was for you to need me.

I wanted you to breathe me in and realize that I was the most intoxicating substance you’ve ever encountered. I didn’t want to be like the party drugs you tried whenever you were in town, I wanted to be like those cigarettes you can never put down.

I hope someday soon someone wants to love you again. I hope this time you let me. I hope when you think of all the girls who have broken you, you remember that there was at least one who wanted to help you fix yourself. And I hope you think of me. TC mark

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