He’s Not ‘A Mess Right Now’ — He’s Just Not Into You

Savannah van der Niet
Savannah van der Niet

We all know how this story begins. So there’s this guy right? You meet him and you feel this instant connection. That spark everyone is always going on and on about. You guys have got it. He’s sweet and interesting and he’s so down. “Let’s grab a drink” “Where are you going tonight” “Come over this weekend!” The texts are rolling in and you’re feeling on top of your game. This is it. This is the next great guy, the one you’ve been waiting for right? You’re screen shotting his sweet texts and sending them to your girlfriends in your group chat. You can already see the Man Crush Monday’s.

But then suddenly. He throws the breaks. He’s busy. He is making a “big life change” “can’t really have a relationship right now”. He still wants to hangout…at a party…with some other girls…Maybe, he’ll ask you to come over after. But maybe he won’t.

And now you’re thinking, “Whoa. Whoa. Where’s Mr. Charming? The guy who opened my car door and turned on the seat warmer before I got in the passenger side. Where is the boy who spun me around dancing with me and kissing me in the middle of a crowded bar?”

Ladies. I have news for you. This guy? Mr. Charming? Baby girl. He’s not that into you. In fact, he has already decided, maybe before ever even talking to you, that he’s not going to invest everything into you. And it sucks. If you’re like me, you’re going to try to fight it. You’re going to swear you “know him” and that he is just “hurt” and doesn’t know how to be in a relationship right now.


Sorry, but it is. If he wanted you, he’d have you. If he was truly into you no amount of “messed up” will keep him from trying to love you. He might fail at it, sure, but he’d give it a shot. If he liked you he’d text you, call you, hell he’d send smoke signals if he had to. He wouldn’t make you feel unwanted, annoying, crazy, or jealous. He’d be there for you too. Whether you were hurting or celebrating, he’d be there. It wouldn’t be a one way street of support. He’s not that into if he doesn’t care.

Ladies we’re part of the problem here too. We are allowing men into our lives and keeping them there even though they make us feel like also rans in the the race for their hearts. You’re a freaking gold medalist girl friend. You are a prize. You shouldn’t be letting guys into your life who don’t view you that way. The only way we are ever going to end this “f*ckboy circus” we have become the ring leaders of is by stepping out of the tent.

So to the ladies who have been made to feel like they weren’t enough, weren’t everything any man could dream of, please realize that you are everything and more. And the sooner you start realizing this, the sooner this breed of dating culture will die off for good.

Now will the real Prince Charmings please stand up? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Caitlin Sullivan

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