(March 21st to April 19th)
The clocks have all been telling you that you’re late for figuring yourself out. Which is another way of saying that it feels as though time itself has been harassing you because you don’t know who you are yet. And hey, fuck ‘em. Time is a construct: while you? You’re here. You’re breathing. You’re taking the alarms and setting them for 12pm because this is your life and you dictate what it’ll be filled with. Don’t worry about the calendars or the deadlines. You’ll find yourself when you’re ready. Take as many seconds as you need.
(April 20th to May 21st)
Lately life has felt like a carnival ride that you stumbled onto by accident and you don’t understand why everybody else is having such a good time. Why everybody else has open-mouth smiles and bright eyes while you’re clutching your lap-bar praying for something to end. It won’t always be like this. The ground isn’t going to perpetually swing around you, stealing your balance and your ability to move as if your existence is something flimsy and disposable. This will all slow down eventually. Please stay until then. The view from the top will be worth it.
(May 22nd to June 21st)
You’ve taken every offhand remark to heart since the day you were born and your chest has become so heavy that it’s hard to breathe around all of that hurt. You know you don’t have to keep it all hidden, right? Storage units exist for a reason: humans were never meant to bear all of their belongings. I know that your statuesque stance is one you’ve been practicing for centuries, but it’s okay to ask for help. Nobody is going to be mad at you or think of you as weak for doing so.
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
You’re holding something beautiful and this is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done. Because you’re so used to watching watching eggs roll off the countertop and kisses slip off of your cheek that everything worthwhile seems fleeting. Fragile. Forced. Like the universe is playing a game to see how good you are at playing catch with crystal balls. But you’ve gotta believe in the potential of durability. If you’ve managed to exist for this long without giving up, you must believe in something, and it must be pretty special. Don’t lose it now. Not after all this time.
(July 23rd to August 22nd)
Maybe it feels like the April showers will never stop pouring down on you. Maybe you keep trying to fix new things with old instruction manuals and end up getting frustrated when the pictures don’t match what’s in front of you. Maybe you’re starting to realize that not everything is going to work out the way you need it to and that scares you. It scares you because the last time this happened it almost killed you. But the key word here is almost. You’re more than the rubble you’ve had to sift through and the photographs you’ve had to throw out. You were never meant to burn out. You were designed to endure.
(August 23rd to September 22nd)
So, you ran away from home. You’re playing hooky from your life because every scenario you’ve found yourself in has ended in blood. And you’re sick of it. You never asked for any of this. But then again, has anyone? I can’t imagine how tiring it must be to build those walls around yourself every morning, before your coffee and your nicotine, before you think about the lover you left behind. Have you ever visited the grand canyon? You should. It’s time you found some beauty in what’s below the surface. Look at how easy it is to see the sky from here. But please don’t try to fly until you’ve looked down once or twice. Please.
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
You ran into the past while crossing the street and you didn’t stop to say hello. Were you scared? Or were you just waiting for what you abandoned to make the first move? Either way, you didn’t say hello and that’s okay. You don’t have to feel shameful about the ugliness of your progress. Not everybody’s carriage stays a carriage when the clock strikes midnight. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real or valuable. You ran into the past while crossing the street and it didn’t hurt you. Not this time. Not you.
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
Everybody around you seems to be darting across the universe with their hearts on their sleeves and it makes you feel as though something is wrong with you. As if the molasses town your feet are submerged in is something that you asked for, that you wanted. You know, you don’t have to travel at the speed of light in order to get out of bed in the morning and that’s still something miraculous, especially when every part of you is begging to pull the covers over your eyes and dream a little longer. I’m proud of you for fighting that feeling. I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard.
(November 23rd to December 21st)
I think that it’s time for you to start believing in fairy tales again. Do you remember being smaller? Looking for magic around every corner? That spark doesn’t leave once you outgrow the disney themed bedsheets and wear holes in the light-up sneakers. Nobody needs you to be the grown-up all of the time, it’s okay to let yourself feel lighthearted again. Go pick some daisies or buy some gelato. Take care of yourself the way you would’ve before the world showed you its shadows.
(December 22nd to January 20th)
The monsters under your bed have been keeping you awake for months but you don’t have the heart to drive them away. You’ve kinda liked the company. You’ve been throwing them scraps from the dinner table that you couldn’t finish and have taken pleasure in listening to what you couldn’t stomach be put to use. but, Baby, you don’t have to be kind to the things that make you shudder in the night. You’re not obligated to give to the things that take and take and take until there’s nothing left. Reclaim your bedroom. This, this is yours. It always will be.
(January 21st to February 18th)
Sometimes you find yourself thinking about the cost of living. How much of yourself you’ve had to trade in order to stay alive. It’s really easy to get angry, when you see that other people have traded so much less and gotten so much more. But don’t let yourself get caught up in the what-if’s because that’s a maze that’ll never let you leave, no matter the strength of the compass you bring with you. forgive yourself for what you’ve had to do to survive. It doesn’t make sense to be ashamed of all you’ve gone through, when everyone else just wants to watch you succeed. We’re rooting for you.
(February 19th to March 20th)
You’ve become an expert at mending the bridges that people have burned in your wake and I hope that you see the beauty in that. The talent it takes to reconstruct a pathway between two islands is immense and you’ve forgotten this in all of the excitement. You’ve accomplished great things in such a short time, and it’s breathtaking. Truly. When you were born everybody in the room must’ve held their breath, because how could they not see what they were bringing into the world? Sure, you’ve caused a few accidents. But you’re working to fix the damage. You’re trying. That’s enough.