When we know in our hearts that something isn’t right, it becomes a hard feeling to ignore. But when we have someone, who is supposed to love us unconditionally, telling us we’re overreacting, we begin to question ourselves.
The one we love is supposed to validate our feelings, not tear them apart.
Emotional abuse isn’t as ‘in your face’ as it would be to get slapped or pushed. It’s a psychological game played with us that ends up breaking us down in every way possible. It’s emotional abuse if…
1. His intensity leaves you feeling wary.
It can be that he wants to win over your family and friends immediately. To him, it’s not a process and it’s about succeeding in it as a challenge that has been won. Excessive charm and a lot of lying to cover up what he is really doing.
This also involves bombarding you with phone calls and/or texts. He is relaying to you that he wants to get serious and that you need to be serious. It’s almost like an obsession because if you don’t answer, the more frequent he texts/calls.
2. His overprotectiveness is actually borderline obsessive.
It’s an extreme negative reaction when you interact with others. When the interactions involve the opposite sex, he will accuse you of flirting, cheating and going behind his back, no matter how innocent your intentions were.
As a result of that, he’ll start acting pissy or throw a tantrum when you’re with your friends and family. It may get to a point of demanding to know the details of who you’re with, where you’re at and how you got there. This can be perceived as concern but it’s not. He doesn’t need to know your every step.
3. The little ways he likes things, start to become overbearing.
This can start off as liking your hair one way and not another so he’ll ask you to wear it a way he likes it. And wanting to please him and make him happy, you’ll do it more likely than not.
As this progresses, he’ll start checking your phone, emails and showing up at places such as your family’s house, work or school to make sure you are where you said you’d be. These random pop ups are uninvited.
It’ll start getting worse as he may follow you (stalk you) or accuse you of things you have never done. This is so you start feeling bad about yourself and question things you never would have before. The last part is key. If you never questioned something before him, do not question it now.
4. He wants to spend every moment with you, which gets confusing.
You’ll start hearing that he is the only one who truly loves you and cares about you. In turn, you may start detaching from your friends and family and others. You may start isolating yourself. He wants to take up all of your time and when you make plans with other people, he makes you feel insanely guilty.
5. Along with making you feel guilty, he blames you for literally everything.
Things like “I’m crazy, because I love you so much,” come out of his mouth making you think there’s something wrong with you for hurting someone who loves you so much. Somehow he has turned all of his problems into your fault. You can’t believe that. I promise you you’re not.
6. His unpredictable anger makes you walk on eggshells 24/7.
Flying off the handle at a 2-word comment not even related to him. This can also involve aggressive behaviors to make you scared and afraid of staying or leaving. Picking fights and endless threats are also common.
Remember one thing… if or when his claims or stories start not making sense, that’s when you’ll know it’s not you, it’s him because when things start not making sense, it is usually a lie.