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10 Types Of Moms That Suck

I’m not sure if you knew, but I’m pretty much the best, most perfectest mom ever in the history of ever. I don’t need to tell you that’s sarcasm, right internet? Maybe? Eh. Is this satire now? I feel like I used to know what that was but I think I lost it somewhere along the way during my Wild Adventures in Blogging. People seem to have created this new, vague definition. Anyway, back to my perfection.

1. Language Police Mom

Firstly, that sounds like an awesome name for some sort of knockoff Barbie doll; you know the kind made of the same plastic they use for those KoolAid bottle-things that your cheap Aunt used to buy for you years after you’d stopped playing with dolls? Complete with police uniform, perfectly curled hair and a baby under each arm.  

Secondly, I appreciate it when people curb their language for children. That’s real nice and respectful, otherwise known as common courtesy. And yeah, it kind of sucks when some asshole (heh… heheh, irony is fun) is cursing up a storm three feet from my perfect and innocent offspring, but hey, welcome to reality. A mystical place full of things that really suck; like people, for instance. As we step out into this land of people I can’t control with a withering ‘mom’ glare, I watch my daughter’s mounting confusion and horror. Those are bad words, she knows those are bad words because from time to time her mother says similar words and tells her those are bad words. I steel myself for life lesson time, usually by ordering more coffee. 

Dearest child –I begin— cursing can be fun. It can be honed into a fine, enjoyable art. But, like many fun things in life, you typically have to be of an appropriate age to enjoy them. Now is not that age, nor will it ever be whilst you exist under my roof and I am legally responsible for your transgressions. If you happen to express such language in my supreme direction, I will personally ensure that I embarrass you in front of every boy (girl?) you like in the history of ever. 

And lastly, it’s a mom’s job to protect their children, pretty much, but there exists this fine, judgy line between protection and total realistic disconnection. Remember I’m totally perfect, here, so yeah…

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  • thissystemisbroken2013

    Reblogged this on Love and Other Good Stuff and commented:
    I’m am making an effort here to focus on some positives to counteract all of the depressing and (let’s face it) sometimes boring things I post on my other blog. Yay me. This was is a hold-your-hand-over-your-mouth-so-you-don’t-awaken-your-sleeping-toddler funny.

  • http://brownsugarmama83.wordpress.com brownsugarmama83

    Reblogged this on Brown Sugar Mama's Blog and commented:
    I’ve missed you all dearly. But more importantly, I have stumbled upon a hilarious blog post that I couldn’t stop laughing at and had to share. Reading this reminded me of so many internal battles I fight with myself and feeling “less than” when it comes to other moms. The problem is everyone tries to be super mom when friends and family are around. At home, when no one is watching, your kids eat junk, you laugh at their swearing, and put them down for a nap early so that you can keep from killing them. It’s okay, mama, I know the struggle too. Just do what is best for you and yours. <3

  • http://lifesolovely.com/2013/02/13/raising-children-the-power-of-positive/ Raising Children: The Power of Positive » Life So Lovely

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    Reblogged this on Almost Brady Bunch and commented:
    OMG YES YES YES

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  • http://krystalsilcox.wordpress.com krystal rose

    Reblogged this on krystalsilcox and commented:
    Great blog that bring some laughter to the table. She certainly speaks her mind and (in my opinion) stated the things I was already thinking to myself.

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  • http://simplysupermom.wordpress.com simply supermom

    Reblogged this on Becoming Supermom and commented:
    This list is great – especially the always happy, chipper mom.
    I have totally been guilty if number 9. We still try to avoid no in our house … If we don’t use it she won’t learn it to use it against us.
    Before you tell me I misunderstood the spirit of the ‘we don’t say no in our house mom’, let me assure you I get it. Our daughter gets told ‘no’ a ton just not in the form of a two letter word 😊.

  • http://www.godlovingwoman.com Shannon Kuzmich

    Reblogged this on God Loving Woman and commented:
    1. Brilliant
    2. Not only will I follow but I will faithfully read and learn
    3. I have a new role model in the blogger world.

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    Reblogged this on Before I Put on My Makeup… and commented:
    Yes. YES. YES!

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