It has been 5 months since her breakup, and I realized my friend had overcome the worst of her broken heart. She was finally ready for my “The Beauty of Being a Single Woman” lecture. After all, I’ve had enough experience to have a Ph.D. in Single Girl Studies (if there were such thing). So, I sat my friend down to unveil the beautiful truth about being a single woman in today’s world.
The Myth: single women are lonely and unattractive, or just promiscuous types who can’t settle down.
This is completely and utterly FALSE! I cannot understand where these polar stigmas came from, but whoever created this nonsense should be bitch-slapped (multiple times).
Single Women, it is so easy to buy into that bullshit stereotype, but please, please, please DON’T let it define you. You can and you must define yourself, which is the first and most essential step in Single Girl Living (SGL). I believe it’s a good idea to create your own set of rules and standards so you don’t conform to the stupid stigma, and/or feel completely lost in this new and unfamiliar world.
I would like to share something I decided to create for myself when I first joined the single world…
1. Thou shalt not go out and solely hunt for boyfriend material; thou shall be open to unattached flings and uncomplicated romances.
2. Thou shalt not opt to stay in for the night alone, wearing sweats, devouring a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, watching mushy Meg Ryan Chick Flicks, and sulking about an ex-boyfriend when given the opportunity to have a fun and exciting girls’ night out.
3. Thou shall be permitted to an occasional one-night-stand, so long as she is cautious, safe and smart (condoms don’t take up much space in your purse), and doesn’t make a habit of it.
4. Thou shalt not confuse an occasional one-night-stand/no-strings-attached fling with a faithful/serious relationship — thou shalt not let these casual romances cause drama, heartache, and especially heartbreak.
5. Thou shall use this time in your life wisely, and focus on gaining self-confidence, improving self-esteem, and taking full advantage of the independence and glorious freedom as a single woman.
6. Thou shalt not hook up with a guy who is in a relationship…Even if he tells you he’s single, but your gut and guy-lie-detector tells you different.
7. Thou shalt not lower your standards of guys just because you’re not looking for boyfriend-material or anything serious.
8. Thou shalt not go home with a guy without the approval of a trusted girlfriend after a night of margaritas, vodka cranberries, or other heavy drinking (if tequila was consumed during the night, getting a second/third opinion would not be a bad idea).
9. Thou shalt not abandon opportunities to try new things and meet new people, nor hesitate to take on daring and exciting challenges; thou shall flirt with the sexiest guy at the bar (even if you think he’s out of your league)!
10. Thou shalt not be completely opposed to the idea of ending their single girl lifestyle for a special guy-one with potential for something more serious and beneficial than a one-night ordeal; thou shall trust fate and be compliant with how and when it unfolds.
I may or may not have sinned a few times, but for the most part, I stuck with it. In such a free and unstructured time in your life, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are and your self-values. I believe it helps to make a list of do’s and don’ts to prevent it all from getting out of control. I probably added 20 or more commandments to the list as I progressed through this era of my life. The additional commandments are just proof of lessons learned and lessons I wouldn’t want to learn again.
So, despite what you may have heard about being a single woman, I can tell you it’s really not all that bad! Even if you’ve never really been single before and you don’t think you know how to be single, you do; actually, you will be surprised at how fast and easy it is to adapt to this lifestyle. Even though I’m happily in relationship, I still consider my single girl era the best time of my life; it was also the most important and empowering time of my life. Yes, I met a lot of douchebags, but fortunately these idiots were just guys I met- not ex-boyfriends or heartbreakers-just idiots. However, I am grateful for these idiots because they did make me wiser; I was able to see what I wanted and didn’t want in a guy when it came time for me to retire from the single life.
During my single girl era, I was also able to learn a lot about myself, focus on my needs, and I had the freedom to experience many new things that I couldn’t or wouldn’t do if I was in a relationship. I was able to reinvent myself and be who I wanted to be. Eventually, I acquired more self-confidence than ever before. I learned that I could be happy being a strong independent woman and my own; I didn’t have to rely on a guy for happiness or self-validation. It was my single-girl experiences that truly improved me and prepared me for a serious relationship.
So to my single friends: do not be ashamed nor fear the label of a single woman… Instead, embrace it and take full advantage of it! Wear that label loud and proud till it’s totally worn the fuck out!