1. MIL: Aren’t the ballerinas lovely?
ME: Yes they are.
MIL: Were you in ballet?
ME: No, unfortunately I was not.
MIL: Yes that sounds right.
I pause. Say nothing. ‘What does that mean?’ I’m thinking.
MIL: They take really good care of their bodies.
2. My ex MIL thought that only irrepressibly horny women wore tampons and that tampons could make you want sex too much so they were best avoided so as not to have illicit desires at improper times. She was appalled when i went grocery shopping with her sister and bought tampons. Apparently i embarassed her.
I wish i was joking.
3. MIL: You look pregnant. Are you pregnant? You might be pregnant! When are you guys going to have kids? I want more grandchildren! I will move into your house and watch them for you while you work! I will buy them everything! Give me more grandchildren.
ME: MIL, we’ve told you already, I have endometriosis. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll get pregnant. We are considering adoption.
MIL: I want my son to have his own genetic children. You should divorce my son so I can have grandchildren.
MIL to Husband later: You should divorce your wife so I can have more grandchildren.
4. My ex mother in law called me by her other sons’ ex wife’s name for the first three years I was married to her younger son.
5. I said the word “lesbian” during a conversation in front of my (now-ex) MIL and my then 2 yr old daughter. MIL flipped out and yelled that I’d make my kid gay if I said that word in front of her too many times.
6. She posted a work out video on facebook, tagged me and her daughter in it, and wrote “now you have no excuse” under it.
7. SO’s mom is a saint..his step mom on the other hand.
Her: YOU need to be supportive of him
Me: Actually, I’m probably the most supportive of him.
She’s said I was ruining his life at one point.
I think the worst thing though was last Christmas, it was his dad, step-mom and her two sons (with ones wife and ones girlfriend there) and my SO and I.
They gave us all cards with our names on the front, and mine was the only one without a heart around it. The new girlfriend of her son got this heartfelt message..I just got a Merry Christmas, love x&x. I’ve been around the longest and idk why that stung so much. I had to go to the bathroom to cry.
8. My MIL is extremely negative and can find fault with anything. When she stays with us it’s a nonstop litany of complaints.
My favorite example was when we went to the Holocaust Museum for an exhibit on Nazi propaganda art. When we came out, an employee of the museum asked us what we thought of the exhibit. My MIL told him, “It wasn’t my cup of tea. Too depressing, and I think there was too much about Hitler.”
9. SO: Mom. Dad. I want to let you know that I really love her. More than anyone I’ve been with in my life. And that I really think I want to marry her.
SO’s Mom: Really? You love her more than you loved Amy?
SO: Wait… what? Seriously? Did you seriously just say that?
SO’s Mom (getting weepy): I really loved Amy. I miss Amy…
Amy is the girlfriend my SO dumped six years ago. SIX YEARS AGO. Later, he chewed his mom out and told her how offended he was. She said she just “wanted to check to make sure.”
10. My MIL wrote her son a letter a week before we got married telling him to think very carefully about what he was doing, as he needed to be sure he was marrying someone he loved and trusted. (We had been together for 6 very happy years at this point!)
She later walked out of our wedding in tears, drove home (7 hours away!) without saying anything to anyone and then followed that up by emailing me saying she didn’t know what husband (her son) saw in me.
I refused to have anything to do with her until she apologised to me, it was a lovely year of no contact with her at all. But then I got pregnant and she came crawling back. We have built a relationship of sorts now, though I feel on her part she still hates me but doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardise the detente we’ve reached in case we don’t let her see our daughter any more. (Which I would never do, I want my baby to love her granny even if think she’s the devil incarnate.)
I still don’t let her babysit tho.
And whenever we invite her over for dinner she texts me a list of what she wants to eat, like “see you at 5, I want soup and homemade cake”
I refuse on principle to have her dictate what I make so I just ignore it. Even if I’d planned soup, as soon as she texts I will make curry instead, and no cake at all. Screw her!
11. “I’m sure he’ll find a nice Japanese girl to marry!” To me, on the eve of his departure for a two month research trip to Japan, three weeks after our fourth anniversary.
“I suppose you can’t help being a sl(gendered slur) if you’re not Catholic.”
“Don’t think you can ever love him like I love him.”
“And he loves his brother and his brother loves me and I love (ex). So you see there’s no room for you!” and none for their dad, to whom she was still very much married, apparently.
And then I met her best friend, who I got on very well with. I overheard them talking, and the friend said, “She isn’t horrible at all! I think you’re overreacting to something.”
Oh hey and that time she told us that a family wedding was pinterest rustic, and we turned up to find it was black tie. She was willing to humiliate him to make sure I looked bad. I found my ex’s gossipy aunt and told her in strict confidence how mortified we were by what she’d said, and apologised to the bride.
12. I’ve really tried with my mother-in-law, but she still makes fun of how I wear my makeup (apparently, wearing foundation at all makes you a “pancake face”) and my religious beliefs.
She regularly asks me, “Do you really believe ___? That’s ridiculous!” I just shrug and say, “Everyone always thinks beliefs that are different from theirs are ridiculous.” I refrain from pointing out religious beliefs of hers that I disagree with.
13. This was after being told we would spend Christmas with my family since we spent Thanksgiving with his.
Literally all we said was that we were sorry we couldn’t make their preferred time for Christmas since we were spending it with my family. Is there any way we could do it the weekend before? She said no, so we said okay, well we hope you change your mind since we’d like to spend some time with you and the rest of the family, but if you can’t move it you can’t move it and we will be in (my family’s city).
I thought we were reasonable and kind, standing up to her and not caving to her demands like we usually do, and sticking to our pre-determined plan.
We received an email the next day. Here are some highlights.
“You were hateful, rude, impatient – Very hurtful stuff, I was sick during the night Sunday from it and unable to go to work on Monday as a result.”
“Take care of myself and go away somewhere and not try to force anything to be with people who don’t care and don’t want to be with me.”
“I ache with such sadness at the anger you have for us sometimes.”
“At age 84 and in her failing health, I don’t know how long (grandma) has left but I’m trying to make her time left here as pleasant as possible. This is NOT a guilt trip, this is reality.”
“I am thinking (hoping) it would be respect for the dearest elder family members whose lives are more fragile than ever as we’ve seen this year.”
14. “You know, I’m ready.” Basically implying that my husband and I should have a child because she’s ready…like that’s all that matters.
When my ex-husband was unemployed, which was often and by choice, she would call every single day. “Is he looking for a job today? Because he needs to be looking for a job!” Meanwhile she would continue to enable his childish behavior by paying all of our bills and never saying anything to him directly.
“I found evidence that she kept her in a cage.” – She said this about my parenting skills during her deposition for our divorce hearing. The “cage” she’s referring to was a playpen.
My favorite, though, is something she told my ex-husband when he was a child. She told him not to go near a praying mantis because they would spit acid into his eyes. WTF?
15. At a Chinese food restaurant: MIL “why don’t you take home the leftovers, you’re good at eating leftovers.”
Luckily everyone at the table realized it was ridiculous and now I get the leftovers every time by reminding her that I’m good at eating them.
16. My MIL hates me so much she doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. The plus side is that I don’t have to deal with her talking shit to me!