I got into my first relationship last year at 22-years-old.
Yup, a little later than some of you may have anticipated but true love has no specific timeline or age in my opinion.
When it happens, it happens and the truest love is always worth the wait.
However, because I am not floating in the clouds, I know the reality of being single can be extremely difficult and at times, excruciatingly lonely because I was there for years before being in a relationship. And I know exactly how hating your single status can feel.
Year after year passes by and you are still single, having to go through Christmas, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s, and every other cozy holiday without a significant other.
And now that we have social media on top of all of this, seeing and hearing about a friend’s hot new romance or even an engagement can really send you into a downward spiral of questioning everything. You ask yourself: Will I ever meet anyone? Why me? Am I attractive? Will I be alone forever? Why is she in a relationship and not me? etc, etc.
You may also find that because you have been single for so long, you have now adopted a negative view on love and have begun to validate every reason why being single is better than being in a relationship, when in reality, there is no better circumstance among the two, it’s just how you treat your circumstances.
Because I have been there, for a very long time, I won’t invalidate what you are feeling because in this love obsessed world that we are in, being single can begin to feel like a curse after a while. However, like all things in life, it is all about how you look at things and knowing that there is a purpose for every season.
Here are seven ways to stay grounded if being single is starting to suck:
1. Stop sabotaging yourself
I will reiterate over and over again, that being single is not a curse, or is really even something that is worth overly stressing about because it it what it is. You are alone and just haven’t found the right person yet. And being alone is better than forcing a relationship that isn’t serving you.
That being said, you can make yourself feel a whole lot better by refusing to compare yourself to your friends you are in a relationship, scrolling aimlessly through social media looking at couples and feeding into people who badger you about being single. Use this time to focus on yourself, solely on yourself and be very weary of things that trigger you or bring you down.
2. Remember that this season serves a purpose
You aren’t going to be single forever. That being said, know that right now, the universe most likely is speaking to you through this season. I hated being single for a really long time and focused so much on how being alone made me feel that I forgot to enjoy that I was awesome all by myself. However, when I finally got to the point where I stopped looking for love , love did find me and in its purest form. I believe at one time, I wasn’t ready to handle a relationship, but I can now. There is a reason for every season. Remember this.
3. Remember that you are attractive
I think society definitely has a role to play in this, because we buy into a notion that we need someone who constantly validates us, but I can tell you that even in a relationship you need to validate yourself. And you are amazing, smart, beautiful and talented even without someone telling you constantly. I think by actually using this time to try and believe these things for yourself, you will find your worth and will less likely feel the need to seek the wrong relationships to find it. All on your own, you are amazing.
4. Don’t be bothered by people’s insensitive comments
The older I get, the more I am learning just how insensitive and stupid some people can come across. And quite frankly, this has nothing to do with you or me and everything to do with them. That said, there will always be someone who will ask,”When are you getting a boyfriend? Or “You are still single, at your age?” Whether you are single, backpacking around Europe, or engaged, it really isn’t anyone’s business. Please don’t feel bad when you are finally embracing being single and someone bursts your bubble. It’s not about you.
5. Stay busy
The more idle you are, the more inclined you will be to want to harp on your life and why you haven’t found your ‘Mr. Big’ yet. Use this time to get a job (trust me, you won’t have time to think), start a website, a hobby, or even travel. Life is what you focus on. You will have human moments where you crave companionship, but it won’t last forever. Don’t waste time being miserable when you can be living.
6. A relationship is not all there is to life, trust me
I don’t know what the fuck it is with our world when it comes to love, but your whole life could be going to shit but as long as you have a man, you are golden. A relationship. Isn’t. Everything. Yes, it can be beautiful, romantic and make your heart warm, but other things in life can fill you up as well. I know so many women who drop everything for a man and it’s like their whole identity is gone. A relationship should be the icing on top of your already full life. Not your everything.
7. Believe me when I tell you, it’s so worth the wait
Most times when something isn’t happening in our lives, either the timing is off or the right person has not arrived or been made clear to you. I had so many years of hating my single status and comparing myself to everyone, but I waited and found love in my best friend, someone who loves me with his whole heart. And that is the kind of love you deserve.
Yes, all of your friends may be coupled up, engaged maybe, and you are wondering why you have been left out. But true love, the right love for you is on the other side of this season. And when it happens, you will be ready and all of that waiting will seem worth it in the end.
Being single has its ups and its downs, but don’t waste your life dwelling on it, because there is more to life than your relationship status.