Girl, I Don’t Care About Your Hair Down There

There seems to be a very serious misconception among the female gender that all hetero men want female body and lady parts to be as bald as LL Cool J. A man wouldn’t even think about sticking around once the pants came off if he spotted some vegetation down there, right?

I’m a hetero male, and hair anywhere on the female body doesn’t bother me.

It’s beyond common sense to believe women are best off with some sort of Brazilian wax. If this were true, genes expressing hair down there wouldn’t exist. While some guys may prefer the infant look (similar to how many think females are incapable of defecating), you will find many that honestly don’t care.

I once had a serious girlfriend who was very self-conscious of her hair. Sometimes when we would lie together, she’d ask that I didn’t touch her legs because she forgot to shave. I thought this was crazy. From this point on, I would brush my arm against her leg, claiming that it was itchy and it needed a good scratching. On a side note — ladies, your stubble makes an amazing itch-reliever. But I digress.

She would sometimes send me texts before a night out claiming she shaved for me. While I understood that this act was intended to be something of a positive for me, I didn’t care. The state of her pubic hair would have no effect on us having sex. I certainly don’t rock a spotless floor down there, and that got me thinking. What if things felt strange for her because she has no hair down there, and I do? Thinking about this the first time actually caused ME some anxiety, as opposed to the excitement of knowing someone shaved for me.

Let’s move to another hotly debated area: the moustache. I’ll admit that if a girl is sporting facial hair to the stylings of Mario, Luigi, or Salvador Dali, I may be less likely to pursue her. But there are many nationalities of women that are known to have facial hair who I think are gorgeous. We are mammals. Mammals have hair. We learned about this stuff in elementary school.

I appreciate my body for some of the ways it helps me out. In the summertime, I get mosquito bites on my ankles because they can’t navigate through my hairy legs. Who am I for judging a girl who enjoys a little insulation in the winter months?

Then again, shave it all off if you want. Do you swim competitively? Athletes shave to gain an aerodynamic advantage as well as to get a better feel for the water. I can’t deal with too much hair downstairs if I go for a run — it’s like trying to quickly rub two pieces of Velcro past each other.

Perhaps the more irritating thing is the droning of the feminists that I can’t hear, but know exists somewhere. You’ll hear them chanting to dispose of your razors. Grow a rainforest — it will benefit the environment.

You should just do as you please. It’s your body, and the only reason I would hold you in any lower regard is if you let others influence how you treat it. If you find a man who is uncomfortable with the fact that you keep some trimmed shrubbery down there, ditch him. There are plenty of guys out there with an appreciation for home gardening.