Dating in any circumstance has its obstacles of course. Throw a couple kids into the mix and you my friend will have a whole shitstorm of challenges ahead of you. I could elaborate forever, but really I’ll just cut to the chase and say dating a single mom is not for weak men. It is not for cowards and certainly not for assholes. Dating a single mom is reserved for only the greatest, the most genuine, kind, and REAL men. Why? Let me tell you…
1. Weak men can’t handle us or our kids
If you’re dating someone that seems traumatized the first time he sees your toddler throw a tantrum, RUN. Run as fast as you can. This is the type of person that can’t handle your lifestyle. Kids have tantrums. Kids, to say the least, can be little jerks at times. As a matter of fact, so can adults. At least kids have an excuse. They are in the process of learning reasoning and accurate control of their emotions. If a man gets scared off the first time he is exposed to back arching screaming, and body flailing craziness that a toddler can be, he clearly lacks experience in sensible reasonability. If he’s standing there mid tantrum, looking to be in shock and contemplating running for the hills, if he looks frightened or disgusted, well f*** him.
Strong men will recognize that this is a normal stage of a child’s development. They will certainly not hold it against you that your child is being a little stinker. On the contrary, they will do their best to help the situation. Better yet, they won’t let a little tantrum scare them away from the awesome person you are. They may even have a new found respect for you, because after all, anyone who deals with that kind of behaviour on a regular basis is surely to be considered a damn superhero.
2. We don’t need to be saved
Weak, insecure men will feel it necessary to achieve the man of the house role so to say. Instead of appreciating you and letting you shine in all the glorious strength you are, their ‘manhood’ will be threatened. After all, you are indeed a force to be reckoned with. You fiercely tackle the responsibilities of home and children by yourself, and yet do so gracefully. One could even say you make it look easy. You are not some damsel in distress that needs this big strong man to come in and fix everything. You got this shit handled by yourself. Weak men need to feel superior to feel strong. A strong man will stand beside you and push you to even greater limits. He will be your biggest supporter.
3. Games, Games, Games
Let me be very clear on this point. The ONLY games single moms want to play, is with their children. We don’t have time for bullshit. We don’t have the extra energy required to exert on trying to read between the lines of all your mixed signals. Chances are we have already spent a good chunk of time wasted in a relationship that was wrong for us. In the end, our children were absolutely worth everything of course, but going into something new, we don’t have, nor want, any valid reason to waste our time. We’ve been there, done that. Be real, be an adult or go find someone else to play your mind games with. We are mature adults that deserve honesty, not some high school twit you can mess with.
4. We can’t be swept off our feet
Those cheesy pick up lines that have worked on 90% of your conquests. Throw them out the window. They don’t apply and will simply not work. We can be temporarily swayed by your dashing good lucks and charming persona but ultimately, you can’t fool us. We know a thing or two about seeing through the mask. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with telling us how awesome we are, but don’t kiss ass. It won’t get us in bed any quicker. We won’t be another notch on your belt, unless of course we decide to be. Really, we just want someone to be real with us. We want to enjoy a mature conversation that doesn’t involve topics of potty training, and playgroups. We want to feel like an adult, not just a mom. We don’t need you to put us on a pedastoole. Treat us like you respect us. Treat us like an equal.
5. Our kids will always come first
We may not necessarily always know what we want, but one thing is for certain, we know what we don’t want. We don’t want to bring anyone into our lives, or potentially our kid’s lives without thoroughly thinking it through. Our kid’s best interest will always be first. We will put their needs above our own and yours anyday. It should not be a competition; it’s just what makes us amazing moms. Weak men cannot understand this. They feel threatened by our children, like they need to compete for our love. Trust me; moms have an endless supply of love to give. There’s plenty enough to go around. If you make a mom feel as though she’s stuck in the middle between you and her kids, trust me you will be dropped at the blink of an eye.
6. We aren’t looking for a daddy
Our kids have a dad, we don’t need you to play daddy for them. We don’t go into dating with the expectation that you will become a parent to our children someday. We date for ourselves, not for our children. We don’t need someone to pay our bills, and support our kids. We manage by ourselves. Yes, ultimately we are a package deal and there is no escaping that. In regards to long term, if you are lucky enough to end up with a single mom, it only means that you will someday be a part of something amazing. You will become a part of a family. You will be fostered into a loving dynamic and you will become a role model. But those long term possibilities shouldn’t detour you now. We aren’t thinking of it so you shouldn’t be worrying about.
7. Our tolerance for bullshit is extinct
We have enough stress in our lives as it is. We don’t need more from men. We have fought tooth and nail to find a balance in our lives. If you threaten that balance or disturb the peace in our blissful parental lives, it’ll be ‘bye, bye, bye’ for you. We won’t fight over stupid things; we won’t play in to your little tests. We won’t compete with other women. We certainly will not be a booty call for some asshole that can’t figure out what he wants. We have all the patience in the world for our children, and none for jerks. Sorry.
8. We don’t put out
Hey asshole, this one’s for you. Our bodies have created and inhabited a human being. We have gone through the amazing process of pregnancy and birth. Yes, our bodies may not be as toned as they were before. We may have scars, and stretch marks, battle wounds you could say. We may be a little saggy and a little frumpier then the average childless woman. But you know what… our bodies are a fucking temple. Our bodies gave our children life. We value our bodies and we respect ourselves. We are not an easy lay, as some idiots would believe. If we choose to connect with you in that way, it’s either because a) we’re using you to satisfy our own needs or b) you respect us enough to deserve us. We are in control champ.
9. Last but not least. Our children are NOT baggage
Yes, we cannot be as spontaneous as you. Date nights require planning and scheduling. We aren’t available for you whenever you’re little heart decides you want us. We have responsibilities and obligations. Dating a single mom is a much different, more complicated task then average dating. Our lives are complex and someday we may feel like we are missing out on “normal” life. We may feel that heavy ache in our chest when we reminisce on our child free glory days. But NEVER, do we regret our children. NEVER do we feel like they are holding us back. Our children are NOT baggage, and if you give us the impression you think otherwise, you are not remotely worthy of us.