Just Because You’ve Had Shitty Relationships Doesn’t Mean Good Men Don’t Exist

Camila Cordeiro

Every time I write an article about finding a good man who loves you for you and does the little things there are always comments like “he isn’t real” or “a guy like this doesn’t exist” but the truth is he does.

Just because you haven’t found good a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. Just because you’ve settled for less than you deserve doesn’t mean real love doesn’t exist. Just because you’ve had your heart broken by someone you thought was a good man doesn’t mean good men don’t exist.

Good men exist whether they’re in your life or not, just because you’ve dealt with assholes doesn’t mean that all men are assholes.

The love you choose is more of a reflection of who you are than who he is.

I’ve had my heart broken by a man who had a good heart and loved me completely. Something most of us fail to acknowledge is that every time you love there is a chance of heartbreak. Just because I was left feeling broken after doesn’t take away from the fact that he was a good man and with him, I experienced what good love was supposed to feel like.

I know good men do exist. I’ve seen good men exist. I see it every time I see an old man carrying his wives tray and holding the door for her. I see it every time it’s raining and my dad runs to the car after to bring it around to my mom to pick her up so she doesn’t get wet. I see it every time I see my friends face light up when her boyfriend randomly surprises her with her favorite treat when she doesn’t feel well. I see it all around in strangers, in couples I’ve never spoken to before, in random engagements I’ve witnessed.

Just because you haven’t experienced good love from a good man doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Good love does exist, just like good men do. 

I know it’s hard to believe, or hard to accept, when you’ve been trapped in relationships that don’t fulfill you with men who try to control you. I know because I’ve also been there. I’ve been with someone who wanted to know my every move, who never trusted me when I gave him no reason not to, who wouldn’t let me go out with my friends, who wouldn’t let me live my life at all. With him, it was hard to believe anyone could love me right, that there were good men out there, but I was also accepting the love I thought I deserved. I was staying because leaving was scary and I didn’t know if I was ready to be alone.

But leaving him was the best thing that I ever did. It led me to realize that love wasn’t love – that was control, that was manipulation, that wasn’t good love from a good man.

And it led me to realize there are good men out there, and just because I wasn’t with one at the time doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It doesn’t mean all men are the same because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

After leaving I had men who wanted to take me out on a date, who surprised me with little things, who genuinely cared about me, who wanted me to be successful, who showed me off and who were better to me than I ever thought I deserved.

Good men exist. There are guys who want to show you off, who want to brag about you to their friends, who want to post photos with you on Instagram, who want to learn every imperfect thing about you and who want to love you for being you because you’re perfect for them.

Love doesn’t try to change you, shrink you down or manipulate you. Love is proud of you and wants to show you off. Love like that is real and it exists, just like good men do. 

Don’t allow yourself to be treated any less than you deserve to be treated. It’s time to stop accepting mediocre love from mediocre men, even if that means being single for a while to wait for the right kind of love to come along. Sometimes you have to go through periods of being uncomfortable in order to finally experience what you’ve been searching for all along.

Good men are out there, you just need to stop fucking with the wrong people first and stop settling for any less than you deserve. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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