This Is Why It Kills Me To See You Go Back To Him

God & Man

That boy is quicksand, he will ruin your life if you let him but you can’t see that. You can’t see it because you’re blind by his ‘love’ and you only want to believe what’s in your head.

You hear his lies, you believe him when he promises he won’t do it again and you become hypnotized by his touch. You can’t see it, but I can.

It kills me to see you with him because I know you love him with your whole heart but the way he keeps treating you shows me he doesn’t love you with his whole heart. Someone who truly loves you doesn’t make you feel the way he repeatedly makes you feel. He keeps screwing up over and over, and you keep taking him back.

It kills me because I’ve seen all those nights where you’ve burst out into tears over something he has done or something he has said to you. It kills me because I’ve come over all those times when you told me you were lonely without him. I stayed by your side the nights you told me you couldn’t sleep alone. I’ve been there for you through every one of your problems and I always will be, but it kills me because I’m also there when things are good.

It kills me when I see you so giddy over something he said, when you cancel plans with friends to go spend time with him, when you say his name like word vomit with a smile, when you talk about him like he’s the best thing that ever happened to you because I know it’s only a matter of days before he breaks your heart again.

It kills me that have to fight for your own boyfriend’s attention, it kills me to watch him cancel plans on you, it kills me to hear you tell me he called you names. It kills me to watch him treat you like you don’t matter to him.

It kills me because you’re killing yourself over him and his attention while he rarely gives you the love and attention you deserve.

It kills me to see you go back to him every time because he doesn’t deserve someone with such a loving heart like you. He knows he can manipulate his way back into your life and you will take him back because that’s how much you love him and that hurts me. It hurts me to watch you take him back every time he blows up your phone with some shitty apology because I know he doesn’t mean it.

It hurts me to know that those laughs will be followed by tears. It hurts me that you keep getting lost in the same vicious cycle. It hurts me because I can see you deserve so much more than what he’s giving you but you keep choosing to stay.

Tell me, are the good times really that good that it’s worth all the bad times?

This isn’t love, I promise you it isn’t, and this isn’t as good as it’s going to get. There will be better times, there will be new love – better love. There will be someone who gives you the good times without the bad. There will be someone who truly loves you for you, without taking advantage of you and trying to change you.

I can keep giving you all the advice in the world but you’re the only one who can truly feel what you’re feeling and decide when it’s time to walk away from him for good.

It kills me to know you love someone so much that you keep sacrificing pieces of your heart for him to break. It kills me to see you with broken heart after broken heart from the same guy. It kills me to watch you settle for someone like him when you deserve someone so much better.

Leaving is hard, I know that. I know how much it will hurt you but it’s the best option. He isn’t going to change. He isn’t going to start putting you first like he keeps promising. He isn’t going to become the person you’re hoping he will be. He is exactly who he is, he is the person who keeps proving to you who he is over and over, and at some point enough has to be enough, and you have to leave.

Seeing you with him is killing me because I know you deserve better, and I think deep down you know it, too. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Becca Martin

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