One of the hardest things in the world is not only to convince yourself you don’t want him, but also to believe it.
I know you’re trying to be strong, to pick up the pieces he broke and to nurture yourself back together, but it’s hard to do that when you’ve been reliant on him for so long. It’s hard to remember who you were without him.
You’re struggling, you’re missing him at 2 PM, you’re hoping he will call and apologize for letting things get to this point. But he won’t.
You’re left with an emptiness surrounding you, a pain that you can’t heal, a black cloud that won’t let the sun shine through. You just want to find different ways to numb the pain and heal your broken heart but it’s not that easy because everything you do leads you right back to him. It’s getting to the point where you can’t outrun the sting of loneliness.
You’re staring at your phone, you’re stalking him on social media, you’re debating back and forth in your head if you should call and typing out long messages just to delete them. You’re letting his absence completely consume you and it’s starting to control your life.
But the one thing you have to realize is that he’s not the man you fell in love with anymore. He was never the person you wanted him to be but you stayed because you kept hoping he’d change, you kept hoping he’d get better, you kept wanting him to be the person he promised he’d be. But he never could be that person and he just kept breaking your heart over and over again.
He kept playing games with you and you kept hoping things could just go back to ‘normal’ but the problem is there was never really a normal with you two. You envisioned a certain life in your head and he could never fit the part but you kept trying because he made you believe what you had was love.
You want him to acknowledge the fact that his actions and his behaviors are why your relationship failed, but he won’t because he doesn’t want to take the blame, he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He won’t recognize the harm he’s done because it’s easier for him to just move on than it is for him to take responsibility for his actions. He’s just looking for someone to blame and for so long that person has always been you.
You didn’t do anything wrong, you can’t blame yourself, you can’t beat yourself up for what you could have done better because it was never anything you did or didn’t do – the problem has always been him.
He is too stubborn to admit he’s wrong and he won’t ever give you the apology you’re hoping for because he’s not the right person for you.
He used to make you feel loved and happy but as time went on he showed you who he really is. It became a one-sided relationship where he continuously broke your heart and made you feel worthless. But you wanted to change him, you wanted to help him so you kept trying to save the relationship.
He gave you no choice but to leave. You didn’t walk to walk away but he gave you no other option and that’s when he comes crawling back. He says some sweet things he knows you want to hear and you let him come back into your life because you miss him terribly. And it never fails that he starts acting out again, starts proving to you he doesn’t care and hurting you in all the ways he’s done so many times before.
At some point enough has to be enough. At some point you have to stop taking him back. At some point you have to decide you are worth more than the half-hearted love he keeps giving you.
This has to end, you have to walk away for good and I know it’s hard but you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are capable of so much and you deserve someone who gives a damn about you. Next time he blows up your phone tell yourself you don’t need him and actually mean it. I know he’s your weakness and it’s so much easier said than done, but look where going back has got you – right back to where you started feeling confused and hurt.
Don’t go back sweet girl because he doesn’t deserve you, he never deserved you. It will take a whole lot of strength but I can promise you’ll keep getting stronger, even on your weakest days. The day you stop going back to him for good will be the day your world changes for the better.