23 Things I’m Afraid Of

1. I’m terrified of growing up and turning 23 this week. I don’t know why but it scares the shit out of me. It almost feels like I lost another year of my life and accomplished nothing in it. I’m scared of turning 30 and 40 and 50 and every year that isn’t in my 20s, but I’m also scared of turning 25. I’m scared of growing up in general and I don’t know how to convince my mind that I don’t have to accomplish all my goals by the time I’m 29 but I feel like I do or I’m a failure.

2. I’m scared I’ll never amount to anything great. I feel like I have all this potential that I’ll just let go to the grave with me.

3. I’m scared I don’t know how to be the person I tell everyone else to be.

4. I’m scared that I’ll like being single too much to ever allow someone in.

5. I’m scared I’ll never find something that makes me feel like my life has a purpose as much as playing lacrosse did.

6. I’m scared to speak up and stand up for myself when I don’t like something because I care too much about other people and don’t want to upset them or inconvenience them.

7. I’m scared I’m the reason everyone leaves.

8. I’m scared I’ll always crave friendship and approval from people who don’t really want me around. I’m scared outside validation will be the only validation that is ever enough for me.

9. I’m scared I’ll never have the body I want.

10. I’m scared I’ll never be a maid of honor or even a bridesmaid because I have lots of good friends but they’ve all got better friends.

11. I’m scared people will forget about me as soon as I’m not in there life every day.

12. I’m scared that I’m so easily replaceable and that my work and my words don’t really matter.

13. I’m scared I’ll never accomplish any of my dreams because I don’t know how to do the work that’s required to get there.

14. I’m scared I annoy people, that I’m not enough the way I am, I’m scared I’m too clingy but somehow too independent at the same time.

15. I’m scared I’m going to try to live how I’m “supposed” to live instead of living the way I want to live because if not I’ll disappoint my family.

16. I’m scared I’ll never find someone to grow old with. People tell me this is ridiculous because “I’m great” or whatever line comes out of their mouth first, but I’m terrified of growing old alone. I want someone to spend forever with and some people don’t find that person, I’m scared I’m going to be that person.

17. I’m scared of babies. I don’t know why but I am, so I just tell everyone I don’t like them. I don’t know if I like them or not because they scare me and I just don’t want them around.

18. I’m scared I’m too big. I’m scared that people look at me and their first impression is wow, she’s so big and I instantly feel self-conscious. Even if that’s not what they’re thinking at all.

19. I’m afraid I’ve wasted too much of my life already. I’m afraid I didn’t appreciate the simplicity and the freedom I had growing up. I’m afraid I didn’t appreciate the life I had enough.

20. I’m scared I’ve become so focused on what I’ll do next that I’ve forgotten how important it is to live in the now.

21. I’m afraid of owning too many things. I’m afraid of just accumulating things and then finding it too difficult to uproot my life and move on to the next place because I’m weighed down and stressed out. I’m scared I’ll just settle for a life that makes me unhappy because of it. I want to own next to nothing, I want to be a minimalist but I’m scared I can’t commit to that lifestyle either.

22. I’m scared no one is ever going to love me the way I love them. I love too hard or not at all, there is no in-between. I like guys who will never like me and am turned off by guys who like me. I’m scared I’ll never find a balance and I’m scared if I do that I’ll end up being too much or too little for him and he will find someone better.

23. I’m afraid my voice doesn’t matter and that these fears are stupid because they’re not real. I’m afraid of always sounding stupid. I’m afraid nothing I do or say even matters anyway.