Modern Dating Has Me Screaming

God & Man

Modern dating is completely fucked, dude.

I know how it feels though to sit there with butterflies in your stomach, gushing over someone who you swear feels the same connection as you, who makes you feel a way you haven’t felt in a long time to have them ghost you while you come to the heartbreaking realization that they don’t actually give a shit about you at all. And they never did.

We live in a world where the person who cares less is the one with all the power, so we try nonchalantly to act like we don’t care, like we aren’t excited, like we aren’t getting our hopes up. We pretend that in our minds this is just casual for us too so we don’t come off as ‘clingy’ or ‘crazy’ or god forbid, caring.

I mean who wants someone who is caring? Gross. 

It’s super fucked up, but it’s become the dating world we live in. We see who can present the coolest online persona when we’re swiping to seem super reserved and chill with the ‘cool girl’ vibe or the ‘laid back dude’ vibe that doesn’t actually exist in relationships. Because if you’re not cool online then there’s no way you can be cool in real life, right?

We get ready to ‘hang out’ (because what are dates?) by trying to look put together, but not too over the top because we don’t want them to think we actually tried, that we actually care about what we look like when we see them. After all, it’s just casual, right? No matter how far into this thing you are, it’s just casual because asking about our relationship status is the ultimate red flag.

It’s insane when you think of it. We’ve turned dating into ‘talking’ because the word dating sounds like too much of a commitment and our generation is terrified of commitment.

We settle for random hook ups with a dude we really like because that’s better than nothing, right? We turn to online dating where you don’t want to say “I’m looking for love” because that makes you sound desperate and a little bit crazy so instead people say things like, “Not looking for anything serious, but if it happens it happens.” Totally chill. A  way smoother way to say you want a relationship.

Instead of trying to just be real and who you are we try to perfect the art of not seeming too eager. Of perfecting the moment of when you should text back. Of appearing interested, but never too interested because we could still be talking to someone else.

We are left to dissect every little part of modern dating because no one has any fucking clue what is going on because no one will actually talk about it. I mean telling someone you like them is a hard NO, like you definitely can’t do that.

Who knows if he meant what he said when he was drunk, who knows if that sex meant anything, who even knows if he’s talking to someone else?? Maybe you’re not the only girl he’s ‘talking to’ but you can’t ask because once again that makes you look fucking CRAZY.

In my opinion, it’s bullshit. All of it.

One of my guy friends in college was talking to a girl I was friends with. I asked him how things were and he said, “oh I stopped talking to her. Wasn’t interested anymore.” Totally nonchalantly while she was crying over him because he made her believe that they were going somewhere. I mean she must have been insane to believe someone she was sleeping with, going out to eat with and spending her free time with liked her back. Total nut job.

I could scream over how frustrating it is to try to ‘date.’

Hide your feelings. Care less. Don’t care at all. Don’t say you had a nice time. Don’t text back right away. Don’t be a real person because that’s a turnoff. 

When did communication become so hard? I don’t get it. Why is it so hard to tell someone you don’t like them, or that you do? Why is it so hard to tell someone you had a good time and you’d like to see them again? Why is it so hard to tell someone you only want to hook up with them? Why has basic communication of the truth become so damn complicated?

It has become is a guessing game and it’s painfully old.

Stop the bullshit people. It’s not unheard to want to spend time with someone you like. It’s not crazy to want to actually have a proper, no bullshit relationship with someone. It’s not rare to meet someone and actually want to go on a real date with them.

So if you like someone TELL THEM. If you just want to have sex with someone TELL THEM. If you want to stop ‘talking’ to someone TELL THEM. It’s not that hard to be a decent person. You’ve got words – use them. K? K. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Becca Martin

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