You keep fighting and fighting for something that feels pointless, but you don’t want to give up. You don’t want to give up incase there’s something more, incase you can rekindle the flame that died out months ago.
You keep trying to convince yourself you’re happy, but you’re not. You keep trying to convince yourself that things could go back to the way they used to, but they can’t.
You’re fighting for your relationship with everything in you, but you’re the only one who’s fighting. You know deep down your partner isn’t there for you anymore, at least not in the way they used to be.
You just can’t accept it though because you love them even though lately they’ve been driving you insane. You just want to be the one who can heal the relationship, but it’s not something you can do on your own. A relationship involves two people and you can fight like hell for it, but if they aren’t willing to fight with you then you know you’re hanging on to nothing, but you just can’t let go.
You can’t let go of all the good times, you can’t let go of all the memories and you can’t accept the fact that you’re really going to have to live without them.
It hurts like hell and I know it’s killing you inside, but you don’t deserve to put yourself through that torture. You don’t deserve to continue to fight for someone who is long gone even when they are still by your side.
You know the end is near, it’s just a matter of when it’s going to happen but you keep holding on because you don’t want to hear those words and even more you don’t want to be the one who has to say them. So you don’t, you prolong your pain and your keep fighting.
You find a glimpse of what you used to be every now and then, and that gives you hope. It reminds you why you’re fighting. It makes it not feel so worthless, but it’s only a matter of minutes before you go back to feeling like you’re not good enough. You live each day walking on eggshells because they make you feel like you can’t do anything right. You feel like you’re annoying them so you try to distance yourself, but you’re also terrified they’ll like that distance a little too much and you beat yourself up over what is right and what is wrong.
You know it’s time to let go and you know you need to do it, but you can’t bring yourself to do it.
You keep fighting for your broken relationship, but you deserve more than that. You deserve someone who fights with you, not against you.
You deserve someone who inspires you and makes you want to be better, not someone who makes you feel worthless and like you’re not enough.
You deserve more than the self-inflicting pain you’re continuously putting yourself through day in and day out because you can’t cut off the ties.
I know you love them and I know it’s SO much easier said than done to walk away, but don’t keep putting yourself through this pain.
The pain you’ll feel on your own will be difficult, it will hurt like hell and you will question if it was worth it. But eventually you will start to heal, each day will start to get a little better and you will start to find strength. You will learn that relationship wasn’t healthy and you will learn you deserved so much more than what they were willing to give you.
You’re a fighter and you will fight through the aching pain you’re feeling in your body and heart, and you will heal stronger. You will remember what it feels like to be loved and be whole. You will remember what it feels like to be strong and independent and stop looking for approval from someone who will no longer give it to you.
You keep fighting for your broken relationship because you’ve got a big heart and you don’t want to live without the person you love, but you deserve to be loved back and more than that you deserve someone who is willing to fight for you, too.
At the very least you deserve someone who fights for you too.
Remember that and don’t ever allow less than that again.