I think it’s time to walk away, but it’s so much harder than I could have imagined. I can’t wrap my mind about you no longer being in my life, even though I know it would be the best thing for me.
I had this vision in my head, where you played the main character and we fell deeply in love with each other. The only problem is that I wrote the script and I never shared it with you. I never let you know the role you were supposed to play, but instead I just assumed you knew. I assumed you knew what I wanted and what I hoped you could give me, but now it’s apparent that you can’t.
You can’t give me what I’m after and I have to accept that and be okay with it. I have to let you go because I’m holding on to nothing, I’m holding on to made up scenarios and empty, unfilled hopes.
Because it’s clear you don’t give a damn about me.
You don’t give a damn about me and it’s getting the best of me. It’s consuming me and I’m trying to stop it, but I can’t.
I need to shut the script and start over. I need to scratch the lines that I wrote for you and go forward on my own. I need to stop waiting for you catch up to a place you’ll probably never get to.
I need to stop hoping you’ll turn out to be the guy I made you out to be in my head.
I tried to turn you into someone you’re not and someone you’ll never be, well at least someone you’ll never be able to be for me.
You call me, but only when it’s convenient for you. You sleep by my side, but only when you’re lonely. You might want me, but you don’t need me.
And that’s the biggest problem. You don’t need me and I need you.
I long for you and you don’t even reach for me. I dig deep for your soul and you only give me the surface.
To you, I’m only an option and I promised myself I’d never be anyone’s option again. I told myself I deserve more than to be a backup for someone, because I do.
I don’t deserve to be only called when you get lonely because I love too hard and you don’t love at all. But you know I’ll be there, you know I’ll be hanging around because you know just how into you I am. You know you have me wrapped around your finger, but it’s time to cut the string and let it all go.
It’s time to stop giving my heart to guys who don’t want it and start saving it for someone who is proud of it. It’s time to stop allowing myself to be mistreating and taken advantage of because I get lonely. It’s time to stop all of it and it’s time to put myself first. It’s time to love myself and be my own first priority.
I’m done giving a damn about you when you never gave a damn about me.
I’m done letting it slowly kill me.