I Know You’re Not Coming Back But I’m Still Working On Accepting That

I try to think of anything else to occupy my mind, but no matter what you’re there. You’re in every newspaper I read, every sip of alcohol I drink, every phone call I make and every song I sing.

I miss you so much it hurts. It physically hurts like I’m constantly getting the wind knocked out of my chest.

I don’t understand how we are just supposed to be okay going our separate ways. I don’t understand how I can walk away from you and not long for you back. You were the best part of my life and it’s killing me inside that I haven’t seen you in months.

I’m not over you and to be honest I don’t know when I will be.

Your memory still brings me to tears, it still brings out a part of who I was when I was with you and I miss that part terribly.

I want to pretend I still know who you are. I want to live in a world where I still know what you’re doing every day and where I can comfort you when things are hard, but I know we don’t live in that world – at least not anymore.

We had our shot, but we blew it.

You went from my best friend, the person who I trusted more than anyone in this life to a stranger. You went from someone I could no longer turn to when I needed someone to help comfort me and the person I used to share all my secrets with to someone I can’t even send a Snapchat to anymore.

You were such a big part of my life, maybe even the biggest, but now you’re gone. You’re not there anymore when I call, you’re not there anymore when I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re not there anymore when I have good news to share.

You’re simply living your life one-way and I’m living mine another.

We are now two hearts beating in our own directions in life; where we once walked together, we now walk alone.

Just like my body no longer feels you, I’m trying to sync my mind to no longer think of you.

But your memory is still there, it still comforts me when I need it, but I’m slowly letting the thoughts pass through without clinging to every moment and memory like I used to. I like to think I’m getting stronger without you, but even on my strongest days your memory still sneaks in and gets the best of me.

Part of you will always live in me and for that I’m thankful, but now I need to move on from you for good. I need to let your memory fade away and move on with my life.

I need to live my life for me and stop romanticizing the idea you might come back.

Because you’re not coming back.

You’re gone and it’s time for me to let your memory go, too.

Just know I miss you.