“Someday you’ll meet someone who will make it all make sense,” I’m told over and over.
It’s like everyone’s famous line when you question why you’re alone because maybe they don’t want to admit the truth that maybe you’re not loveable or maybe you have some really bad habits that no one wants to admit to you that you can’t see yourself.
People throw the phrase around like they’re talking about the weather changing. It’s just there, it’s something people are programed to tell you because they don’t know what else to say.
Heartbreak after heartbreak and being let down one too many times and you’re just supposed to believe that someday someone will make it all make sense, someone will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Well, I can’t wait for that day.
I can’t wait for the day I find someone who makes it all make sense, someone who actually does make me realize why it didn’t work out with anyone else because there have been some guys along the way that I thought could be it, but it never worked out in terms of ‘forever.’ Someone else always ends up getting the forever bit and I’m right back where I started, stuck on my own.
But one day I’m supposed to believe I will find the missing half of my heart, my better half, my whole world.
The person who I will share laughs with and shed tears with. The person I will buy a home with and adopt dogs with, because you can’t just have one. The person who I will get drunk with in the living room and eat pizza with at night. The person I will share all my secrets with and whose life will combine with mine. The person who I will go through the ups and downs of life with, the person who will share in my good and bad times.
I’m excited for the person who will make me feel things I never imagined because I’ve never actually felt the way about anyone the way I feel about him. I can’t wait to find the person I say ‘holy shit, I think I actually found my soulmate for real this time,’ and be right.
I can’t wait to experience everyday life with someone I actually can’t get enough of.
Because right now it’s just me, just like it’s been for so many years now and as much as I like the alone time and self-discovery time sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s really lonely and the loneliness can outweigh all the work you’ve done on loving yourself.
But I’ll keep waiting, I won’t settle because the only thing worse than being single in my opinion is settling for a half-hearted love you don’t really want to be in.
I’ll wait for the person everyone tells me will be my future, I’ll keep waiting for my other half, but that doesn’t mean I’ll spend my time looking.
I’m going to continue to live each day for me. I’m going to keep bettering myself and doing the things I love. I’m going to keep putting myself first and ensuring my own happiness because right now that’s all that matters. Me. I matter.
I can’t wait to meet you, but until then I’m going to keep living my life the way I want and hope that will be enough for our paths to cross in the future.