I still remember what it felt like the day you left. I still remember the words we yelled to each other and tears were streaming down our faces. It felt like you ran over my heart while you backed out of my driveway.
It was the most painful goodbye because I knew it was really over; you were gone and you weren’t coming back.
I couldn’t move, I couldn’t hold back the tears, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep because you were still there in my dreams and when I woke up the pain hit me like a dagger through my heart all over again.
I didn’t think I’d ever be okay, I didn’t think I could be fine without you.
My heart ached for you and my tears streamed down my face still hoping to be dried by you.
I texted you and called you, but you gave me nothing. I brought your clothes back to your empty house and I sobbed in your living room knowing this would be the last time I’d be there.
I didn’t think I could do it, I didn’t think I’d be okay without you.
You were my entire world; you were the one person who made everything feel okay. You were the one person who I felt like my life made sense with. I didn’t have to try when I was with you, I didn’t have to pretend to be something I’m not, I could just be me, and you loved and embraced every flaw I had.
Then you were gone. You were just gone.
Someone I spent every day with had just packed up and walked out of my life. I didn’t know how to go on without you after so long.
You caused me so much pain, you made me feel worthless after everything we had been through. I told you over and over again that I couldn’t live without you and that I needed you, but you weren’t there anymore.
But look at me now.
I’m standing even taller than ever. I’m breathing just fine on my own and it turns out I really didn’t need you after all this time.
Every tear I shed crying out for you was honest, every dream I had about you coming back to me made me hopeful, and every note I reread a million times from you made me feel like everything we had was real, even if at the time it felt like you didn’t give a damn about me.
After all this time I realized I don’t need you, I never did need you. You simply came into my life to show me what love felt like, to teach me a thing or two about love. You were a destination along the tracks of my life, you were never meant to be the final stop.
As much pain as you caused me, as much suffering as I felt when you left me I realized that I’ll never be the same as before I loved you.
You took a part of me, an innocence from the world I still had and you shattered it. But from you I grew, I had no choice but to grow.
You leaving made me stronger and made me find myself as a person. It took me a couple years; it took a lot of self-love talks and teaching myself how to value myself. It took me having to pull myself out of a depression I only made worse by continuous self-inflicting pain, but now I’m okay. Now I realize I never needed you, but I thank you for the lessons I learned from our love along the way.
And I just want you to know I don’t need you, I’m breathing just fine on my own.